Originally Posted By: Trixi

Dom R,
I found the following regarding ACoA and it fits me to a "T". This is why I don't even really know what "good wife" would do. I don't know what a person with true self-esteem would do.

Well, here's the list:
....
Here are Janet Woititz's Characteristics, published in her book Adult Children of Alcoholics.
1. Adult children of alcoholics guess at what normal behavior is.


Trixi,

"what would a good wife do", and "what would a person with true self-esteem do", are two, completely separate questions.

(furthermore, I dont think that the second question, is really important at all! \:\) )

From your list of things... I dont see any of them as relevant to the question of, "what would a good wife do?", apart from #1.
which is really just your way of saying "I dont know"

I think that you need to figure out why marriage is important to you, and what it means.
That is to say: Where does your concept of marriage come from?

  • From society?
  • From your parents?
  • From a desire to never be left alone?
  • From the bible?
  • (somewhere else?)


A wimpy reply, would be, "well, all of those mean something to me".
Dont go there :P

ONE of those things, is the most important to you.

First, I think you need to decide which one it is.
Then, you will be able to figure out what marriage really means, and through that, what a "good wife" should do.

It is impossible to meet more than one concept of marriage FULLY.
When conflicts between concepts of marriage arise, you have to pick which one "wins". The same one needs to win every time, otherwise you have a mess.
Even if you assume that there are multiple ways to have a "good marriage"... if you dont follow any of them properly, then it is a certainty that you will not have a good marriage.

So... pick ONE. then go with it.

Last edited by Dom R; 11/25/07 11:35 PM.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D.
Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M.
3 wonderful sons caught in the middle