Yeah, funny how it is just now that my kids have reached the age where they want to watch a bit of a game with me that we will be in separate homes. Until this year, I dont think I have watched a full game for the last 11 years and I was fine with that. I guess that was part of my lack of balance, I NEVER took time for me and focused too much on my kids / wife to the pt of resentment toward my W which came out in anger / criticism toward her, many times.
After all this Sh%! it is just sad that I am physically fit again, our kids are almost independent to the point of enjoying each of their activities or just sitting around without constant attention and SLAM, time to change gears and do something different which ineveitably will be harder on all of us. Its a shame isnt it?
Steven, I know you understand the 4 kids thing as I am describing it.
Got a bit agitated at W yesterday for giving me attitude about doing some light fixing on the tree. Quite frankly, I felt myself looking for a battle and I got one. Wasnt too bad, but would have rather avoided the exchange. It was silly and who cares? It was all about attitude and I did not do the Ducks Back thing very good. i dont know / think I will ever be good at that. So what do I do about it? Never be with anyone? If I am constantly going to be this way, I fear that I am not such a great match with anyone. Maybe it is just that W and I have so much history that any little thing puts us in this cycle where each one of us just picks at the other to the pt of destruction. Me worse than her cuz as they say, if I responded differently, she would too, at least eventually.
I know all the above is true in terms of me reacting, I guess there are just those times where I am just tired of feeling like my opinion doesnt count. I fear it is going to keep happening more and more and likely just lead to a quicker divorce.
Right now, I also am fearing it is what I want. So tired, so tired of it. Holidays dont help although I love seeing my kids happy and excited for the first time in a while. They are great kids and I will do my best to make a great life for them.
Ok, enough whoah is me, time to finish the christmas light marathon!
Talk soon C
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
I understand your frustration and how your heart breaks for your kids. Change can be very hard, but it is a part of life.
I know you are frustrated about your exchange/reaction w/ W yesterday. We all have our bad tendencies that we tend to fall back on from time to time. We are all humans and all imperfect beings. But don't let that give you an excuse for giving up working on yourself or not trying to have an R with someone. You have a lot of knowledge about how things are supposed to be and how you can make things better for you and those around you. Don't just sit on that knowledge though, use it. Are you going to be a perfect person all of the time? Nope. None of us will, but we still need to put forth the effort as best as we can.
I don't mean to be beating you up about this, but I feel like you are saying, "That's just the way I am, oh well." I think it would be a huge shame for you and the people in your life if that were the case.
Take care, C!
Oh and, uh, there seem to be no Christmas lights on my house yet. What's the deal?
I know there have been improvements, just wondering myself if ANY of us can / will be different people deep down. I guess your right though, as long as each of us views our struggles as an every day challenge, it will always be better; by inspection it has to be!
C
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
