Treese, I think that is a common comment from anyone who is having an affair. They don't really want us to have someone else except for two reasons: to ease their own guilt and to direct our attention elsewhere. I have read the comments of many other posters that have said that their spouses usually are not too happy when the LBS does start to date.
Me:56, W:51 D:26,S:24,S:22 Married:18 Bomb 9/27/06 Separated 11/27/06 Divorced 10/6/08 Leaving it up to God
Hey add my H to this list. He says he wants to be happy also and told me to go find someone else I'd be happier. Are we all married to the same man? Mine rarely makes eye contact with me, heck he doesn't even look at me. Not intimacy since June, no hugs, no kisses, etc. Says he doesn't feel like it, he's not "in love". Just what is that after 29 years? I can't figure him out.
my dear treese.... this is the mind of a MLC man... a man who is unable to feel anything for anyone but himself.
sorry your dealing with this stay strong...
m24 yrs h 50 me 47 s 21 s 17 left 5-30-06, and 12-4-06 still gone.............
Well H took the kids to lunch. They went to a place I know H hates for it is too loud but d likes it there. I told him I would only go back for the chicken taco soup that is out of this world. Has a creamy base not tomato I could eat a quart of it no problem. !!!
Shoot I even went online to see if I could find the recipe .. me and dozens of others...!!! they buy it from a distributor I did find out...
so what does H order...??? the chicken taco soup. now wait a minute... I swear he is listening to me just doesn't want me to know it.
I got all but 2 things done outside for Christmas decorations. Was so proud of myself for my goal for yrs has been to decorate Thanksgiving weekend have it done and enjoy it for a month. This is the first yr. it has ever happened and I did most of it myself.
I went in the garage attic... oh not my favorite place I swear I am going to fall through some day. Got the boxes out. d went in the house attic and shoved boxes down the stairs at me. We got our tree yesterday and s put it in the stand and got it in the house for me. tonight we decorate it.
I decorate half of what I use to but so much nicer since the kids are grown and I don't have to worry about breakage !!!
but major problem I am missing my new reindeer that I know I bought really cheap after Christmas last yr. and the decorations that go on my mantle. I went in the attic and dug through the boxes again and nothing.... now this will bug me until I find them.
gee I have lots of blue lights so maybe I need to go outside and put them on the shrubs.... I don't even like this holiday I think it is too commercialized. I don't do the million gifts under the tree thing. Each child picks one niche thing they want and they get a decoration my d collects snowflakes now, use to be cats. My s use to be fishing things and now it is wooden carved animals. I got him a monkey after Christmas onsale for this yr. the arms and legs move. When they leave they will have enough to decorate a small tree with lots of memories.
ok.. off to the attic again determined to find this stuff.
m24 yrs h 50 me 47 s 21 s 17 left 5-30-06, and 12-4-06 still gone.............
I didnt see what got censored. Oh well. Thanks for being there. I am new to this and it is so hard to deal with. Why can't we just knock them in the head and be done with it. Did yours also tell you that he was doing the right thing and would never regret it?
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
T I don't remember him saying it in that way but he has said over and over for the last few months that he needs to move forward with the D in order to move on.
He has not said much to me at all in 6 months now.
The last time he peeked out was April. He also was open about seeing OW periodically when I asked so I pulled away. He didn't care or notice and did not pursue me.... it has been down hill since.
I sent him an email on Sat. he has not responded. But I ended it with there are more terms that need to be discussed for the D please let me know when you can do this.
we shall see if he ever responses....
I was surprised he came in and picked up the kids. He said hi and he didn't talk directly to me and I didn't say a word about the other night or the email. I just let him pick up the kids and leave. best to let him be.
I have not fought with my H at all in the 18 mon. he has been gone. We were spent lots of time together in Jan and Feb.07. then he ran back to OW. Since then he has peeked out for about a 2wk period in april. Then nothing since then.
So ... he was on a 3 month cycle about every 10-12 wks he peeked out and obvious peek or attempt to come home that turned into a touch and go. the 4 months of NC with me initiated by HIM makes me think he was in withdrawal. Well I hope it was at least and maybe just maybe he is coming around.
I have not given up hope but the amount of hope that I have now is much less than it use to be.
My life is about me now. I need to take care of me and my health right now. The stress of all of this has caused some problems for me and I need to deal with it before I lose my health ins.
My kids are suffering and that bothers me greatly. I do not want a D but if that is all he is going to hound me about I am going to go for the gold and hope for the silver and learn to live life to its fullest and be happy.
Treese I hope that you are taking care of you and your children. Make time for you and don't feel guilty about it. I had a hard time with that at first. You need your strength for this is a very very long ride.
m24 yrs h 50 me 47 s 21 s 17 left 5-30-06, and 12-4-06 still gone.............
I am trying to move forward and take care of me and my children. My H is still in the house. We can't afford to get him an apartment for himself. His sister said she could stay with her but H says he is trying to make life as normal as possible for the kids. It hurts to see him every day but would it hurt worse if he was gone? His bags are packed and it's always a touch and go sitch. I am doing the walking on eggshells. I'm just acting "as if" right now and acting like nothing is wrong. Very difficult cause I want to be intimate with him and he wants nothing to do with me, probably because he is with her. I guess I'm in the "limbo" stage. Hate it, hate it. I want him to wake up. I have been dealing with this for a little over a year if I figured it right. I had to go back and figure out where the trigger was and I think I did. It was back when we had 5 surgeries in one year. Very hard and they were big surgeries. He had a bicep surgery and it didn't take, after 8 weeks of therapy they had to redo it. That sent him over the edge. I think he was a little depressed about that. Then he slept with the OW, and all down hill from there. I thought we were to look to each other for help, not run from them.
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
HB2, When H brings up D details, my DB coach suggested
a) blaming the lawyer (for example, "I need to follow my L's advice) and b) pushing the discussions to the Ls. After all, I don't know what is fair and L is paid to negotiate me through the legal system.
If H brings up D again, I'm going to tell him to have his L handle it as I do not want to argue and the Ls are paid to argue our perspectives for us and hey, it's just the way the system works and I have no control over it.
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
Breton hope all is well with you thanks for the suggestion. I think I will use the I think I need to use my L advice one. For he kept referring to what his L said yesterday for the first time. So I have this feeling he talked to her for the first time in a while.
If I play this nicely and I am calm and not demanding I think I am going to be able to get what I want.
If he wants out of this M bad enough he is going to have to give me what I deserve.
I sent him an email today I guess I just needed to get a few things out and nothing mean just needed to say what I felt sort of. my attitude now is this is not going to get him back but I can't just not say it.
m24 yrs h 50 me 47 s 21 s 17 left 5-30-06, and 12-4-06 still gone.............
