I believe that H has always wanted a D and will always want one.
I met with him tonight and looked into his eyes and asked him to look me in the eye and tell me that he positively wants a D. He had absolutely no problem telling me "I want a D I want to be away from you and I need to be happy"
The problem with d has escalated. She wrote him an email and he responded that she was mean and slammed her for expressing her views. Definitely still in alien mode. He is still rewriting history and seeing things through his mlc eyes.
he will not accept that he was not forced into having an A so right now I can't deal with him.
he had the nerve to tell me that ... He wished I had an A and was happy but did not flaunt it in his face. I looked at him and didn't say a word for he told me the same thing sept 06 in Canada.
I told him that I was happy and he did not believe me. I said yes I am for I can do what I want when I want and there is no one to make me feel guilty.
I did a major backslide tonight but well I did a 180 too.
when things got to the point of weird and going no where and he looked like he was going to cry and I could no longer suppress the tears I said I needed to go. That I was done and I got my coat on and I got up and I left.
that is not like me. I am one to drag things out and beg and try to make it all better.
I looked at him and said do you expect me to sit here and say yes dear that if fine that you do not want to pay that? NO I am not going to.
we settled nothing. but he threatened me with filing on grounds of cruelty again and bringing friends in to testify????? not sure what the heck he is thinking.. Told him that family is not allowed for they can be persuaded to lie under oath.
his brother would lie for him.
so now I am worried I opened a can of worms tonight
He claimed he cared about me... and he wants to be friends.. well no go.. I do not want to be just friends and he did not care. I told him if he did then the 4 months that I was injured he would have asked how I was or asked the kids what it was like here and he never did. I told him that I could not even dress myself at one point. that is when I had to go for it was not worth talking to him anymore.
I messed up big time when I told him that I could not be married to a cheating liar. stupid me... how did I let this happen????
darn it. I have waited 4 months to talk and I screwed it all up.
m24 yrs h 50 me 47 s 21 s 17 left 5-30-06, and 12-4-06 still gone.............
FWIW I don't think you screwed up at all. You said what was in your heart. I'm at the point where I'm not sure pussyfooting around them is doing either H or me good. In my opinion where you and I now find ourselves it is time for straight talking. You did just that and you left with your dignity intact when you could no longer bear to be there. Others may have a different opinion but that is mine.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
well HB2 sounds like you have the poster child for MLC, the good news is in a bit he wont remember this conversation. he may well think he needs the D to be happy....only then will he find out he is responsible for his happiness. get a good L and let them handle all of that. thats their job. sucks but its what you have to do if he really is going to do it. that way you wont have to talk about it with him, the L does all the contact and negotiations. we are here for you!
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
ACJ Thanks I sure don't feel like I have my dignity intact today. Should have been able after all this time to use wiser words and put the ball in his court better.
I guess I left when I did for I made my point that he really did not care and by walking away then that is what he was left with. I was not angry, I was hurt by his actions. His inability to show that he cared.
I came right out and told him at one point that wasn't my being happy part of what he was suppose to give in the M? If I was unhappy then maybe he was unable to give me what I needed. That is when he told me he wished I had an A to be happy.
oh that just sends chills down my spin. Like if I did it he would have no problem with it now.. but believe me if I had there would be no forgiveness on his part he was one jealous man.
I could not talk to the Antique store "guys" or get a hug from one of them with out him glaring at me.
Should be still right now but I am fighting that this morning. I need to clarify a few things that we discussed.
part of me wants to tell him fine... you can have your freedom on my terms and the alimony part is not the only thing that needs to be agreed on. He did not discuss any of the terms,, nothing. he is so focused on the dollar amount of the alimony it is scary
the think this morning that has me upset is my d is right he is not the same person and I really saw that last night. I have not talked to him face to face about this D and he was vengeful. Mean and ruthless. This is not the man I married.
m24 yrs h 50 me 47 s 21 s 17 left 5-30-06, and 12-4-06 still gone.............
wants you to be happy...thats right from the script, you should have an A, thats so he wont feel guilty about his...i hope you see all this for what it is.
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
He is such a butt... me have an A yrs ago to be happy that was a crock of poop. For he was the most jealous person on earth. I could not talk to a man with out him being jealous. So I see this as him needing to validate his mistakes... like I am going to say.. well dear as long as you are happy now I am so glad that you are having this A.... sure like those words will ever leave my lips.
I asked him if he was happy ..... and his response was.."I am happier" what does that tell you??? anyone??
If he was still totally stuck in the tunnel wouldn't he be telling me... I am happy.... I am having a great time. He still won't talk about OW at all and got upset when I brought up the trip to vegas with her and coming back and lying to me.
I don't think he likes that I know so much... told him that she talks and that the female residents listen to her.... whether she knows this or not. Gossip in a hospital is like toast with butter and jelly... can't have one with out the other!
m24 yrs h 50 me 47 s 21 s 17 left 5-30-06, and 12-4-06 still gone.............
If he was still totally stuck in the tunnel wouldn't he be telling me... I am happy.... I am having a great time. He still won't talk about OW at all and got upset when I brought up the trip to vegas with her and coming back and lying to me.
hes hes still in the tunnel...vey early becos hes still in that euphoric stage....yours went to vegas too huh?
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
Oh yes the vegas trip.... aug 20 -23 06 and this is during the time that he is trying to come back...! had told MC that A was over and told me on the24th the day after he came back he had an A but it was over.... well darn... she sure didn't know about it !!
it wasn't until 2 wks later that the mc told him NC with her and he needed to call her to tell her no more calling him. Well at that point I did not know she worked with him in the OR.
So he told her NC outside of work. [censored]..
life goes on.......... he picked up the kids a little while ago to go to lunch he said hello made slight eye contact.
I acted like normal was talking when he came in and stopped to say hi and went back to my conversation with S.
if he comes in when he drops them off that will be a huge step for he has not been in the house but once in 2 months.
easier to stay away if you aren't reminded about what you left... your pool your big tv your boat and the awesome view of tranquility...the water...oh wait .. the kids and me... his loss....
m24 yrs h 50 me 47 s 21 s 17 left 5-30-06, and 12-4-06 still gone.............
Hey add my H to this list. He says he wants to be happy also and told me to go find someone else I'd be happier. Are we all married to the same man? Mine rarely makes eye contact with me, heck he doesn't even look at me. Not intimacy since June, no hugs, no kisses, etc. Says he doesn't feel like it, he's not "in love". Just what is that after 29 years? I can't figure him out.
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
