I tell BF 'bout it all. BF gets... agitated. Says he will help me with it. Why, I says? We are dating. He says, No, you are my family... I think of you as my wife. He meant it as a compliment, but man did it piss me off.
I understand the dating thoughts. Perfectly logical. The W was a bit strong for him to say. You being pi$$ed, that is a little over the top.
I didn't lay into him. I felt 'pissed' inside. I knew it, felt it, and wondered about it.
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He asks me what's okay to do and not do around my house. Or like with my dad. He brings it up for conversation.
And if he didn’t ask and just did it, I think you wouldn’t like it.
Exactly. In our current sitch, yes. That's why this is a problem. See? I'm the one who has created this.
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Corri, I see a connection between you taking responsibility for your fathers lack of responsibility and getting PO'ed at men you might date in general and /the BF. What is up with that??????
Because I AM taking responsibility when I shouldn't be. I've crowed BF out of the leadership role and he's let me. Again, I'm not PO'ed at him. This is a dynamic I am very much interested in stopping. I cause my own problems.
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What does your father do with the money he earns? If he needs his car to earn money then car expenses come before some other things. You can't work w/o tools. His car is a tool.
He lives on a very limited income. Pay check to pay check. There is no 'extra.' When something goes wrong, there's no back up.
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Is he living with your mother? If he lives alone then I can see why you or your mother wants to pay to have his car repaired.
Yes. He lives alone.
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I can see a connection between your BF paying (if you let him) and you not wanting to feel obligated to your BF. Is it that obligation=LSD?
I think him paying is a noble gesture. I think it is too much for a boyfriend to offer. It doesn't feel right to me, somehow. It is making the lines fuzzy. And if I allow this to happen, it makes the lines even fuzzier. And I get more confused. Yet... I'm not helping the sitch, either, and that's why I was so pissed. When things get unclear, murky, agitated, when I start getting mad at someone else because I'm the one who's miscommunicated my expectations and intentions, my sex drive falls off. The lines aren't clear. And my actions are the ones that have made it this way. I'm sure he's doing his part... but... I'm just working on my side of it right now.
