I am sorry you have to hear these things. A wise man once told me that we tend to judge people according to our own standards. That's what your H is doing to you. This wise man when accused of things he was not even thinking about used to say to his adversaries: "I don't know about your standards but what you are saying are not my own. If you say this it's because you could do it yourself." I've seen lots of conversations with him end like that and the other person become ashamed.
Don't worry about what you will listen if you decide to call OW H. In the end the forms are endless but the essence is the same and you already know about it.
