to do...there is nothing you can do to MAKE your H come home...or realize what he is doing is wrong...his feelings are VERY real to him...he is totally convinced he is doing the right thing...no matter how wrong it really is...this is where you have to really pity him...he doesn't even know how messed up he is and when he realizes it that will be a big blow to him...and he just might NEED a friend...until then you can't be anything to him...you just have to BE...
Lin [/quote]
Lin that is where I am stuck. my H tells me he knows he has a whole (or told me) in his heart.that he is seeking to fill it and nothing is working. i offered to be his friend and walk him through this in August- just couldn't do it if the ow was there...so he chose her.
now i am over here...i know he is hurting. my father just sent him a long email not about cmoing home but about coming"home" to God. The first one was pretty straight forward adn he got counsel from someone that has known all of us for 20 years+..that person had counseled my h years ago..he said send it. then h sends an email back - it was what i expected but also filled with truth about his pain.
one thing i dont get is he keeps saying that knowone knows the "pain" he has indured for so many years...what pain? what is wrong? what happened to him? how is he going to heal? i knwo when his father left (when he was a freshman in college) he began to really really be depressed..and i know he has never forgiven him (really forgiven). He hates him - but his father never knew. But why is everything so "BIG" right now? His pain? His failures? My failures? I really dont get it.........
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
