I hope nobody shames you. You are here, putting yourself out there, in order to help others.
Your wife misses and loves your family. I know that with us, I spent the time with H's family, because I enjoy them and don't know if they will be my 'family' anymore. I try not to be distant towards my H during these functions, but its hard to balance my hurt/pain. Your W could have just 'bagged' the entire function and not gone at all, so that's good she went. She sees that you are back, you are doing all the right things, but she is so worried she is going to get hurt again. She is protecting herself with the distance and lashing out.
Don't feel self centered. You are going through this as well. You are hurt, sad, and lonely too. You have realized that you did something wrong, and now you are living with the guilt too. I honestly feel bad for my H, where he is, the mess he constantly has to think about, I wouldn't want anyone I care about to feel that way.
