You are going through some tough times. My heart's with you. Sounds like you are backing off from the R, working on yourself. Sounds like you are already doing good things.
It's great that she has given you some pretty clear things to work on, and it's great that you seem to agree. This seems like a crappy time, but you are living in the light! Unlike 3 months ago, now you know how she really feels. You know you have things to work on. Make sure she knows you agree with her. Then keep working on you.
You mentioned AA, but you also mentioned having a couple drinks on the weekend. I'm not sure those are consistent. are you drinking a little or not?
By the way, being suspicious of your wife is not supportive. Does she look great? Well then good for her. She may or may not decide to stay with you. But if you give her a bad vibe when she looks good - that's not something that is going to build love in her heart for you.
Could that suspicion be coming from doubt and insecurity on your part? Maybe? Look, I can see that you'd feel that way given all that has happened. I totally get that. Will being suspicious help your W? your R? I think you know what to do - work on yourself. Don't try to hold her back! Just work on yourself. That's what she asked for.
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
