WAW staying, I'm leaving to give her space..

[jab]

Well, I am so fortunate that I have found this wonderful website before all hope was lost for me! I would like to introduce my story thus far and ask any advice going forward (I'm sure I will need help in the coming months). I have spent the last several days reading literally hundreds of threads in these forums and other websites and feel that I am now becoming more clear about what I need to do and how to go about attempting to save my marriage.

My W and I have been married 13 years and together for 16. We met when she was in college (the 1st time) and I was about to enter college after finishing my Army tour in the Middle East (August 1991). She was 20, I was 22. I can honestly say that it was like love at first site. We were definately enfatuated with each other. We really clicked. After dating for a few months, she decided to quit school in PA and move to AZ with me and start a new cirruculum. You see, I helped her discover that what she was doing at the time "Music Performance Major" was not what she wanted to do with her life, she wanted to do something with animals so initially she decided on "Marine Biology" as a major. We had a wonderful 3 years in AZ together. I completed my BS in Electronics and received a wonderful job offer in CA. We moved there and soon after was married. We were extremely happy together.

We soon discovered that the cost of living in CA was too much and that I couldn't finance her remaining college there on one salary. We then moved to NC so that she could finish her college there and because her parents lived there as well. Well, she then decided that Marine Biology wasn't the thing to do, maybe it was being a Veterinarian.. I continued to support her both financially and emotionally. I really knew that she would eventually become successful at whatever she did, she was smart and determined. Well, to become a veterinarian takes ALOT of college. She then decided to become a Zoologist instead because she didn't want to spend another 6 years in school. Eventually, she recieved her BS in Zoology and recieved a job offer in CO. I was able to transfer employment again so that we could both start living the well deserved 'Dual Income, No Kids' life. This was the summer of 1999.

We both fell in love with the state of Colorado. We almost instantly knew that this was where we wanted to spend our life together. Shortly, things started to turn sour and problems started creeping in. After living here 9 months we bought our first house. Life was truly great although money suddenly became tight. Within a couple of months things started getting pretty scary. A few months after purchasing our home, she started having issues with co-workers at her job and basically quit/got fired. Soon afterwards she became pregnant! Now, please understand the twist. She was on birth control since the day we met, we never planned on having any kids, especially at this point in our lives. Now, I saw myself with a house payment and over my head in bills with a pregnant W that was never planned! I know that she didn't plan it or try to 'trick' me, it was unplanned. Let me proceed with the story.

At this point, I started becoming depressed and a little resentful of everything. I began drinking more. We had our first son and honestly although it was unplanned, it was wonderful and created new meaning to both our lives. Then, I got my first DUI. It was bad enough. It caused problems but we got through it. I started drinking less. Money was still pretty tight, pressures of being parents was tought, but life wasn't all that bad. I honestly admit that being a father during the infant stage was very difficult for me and the bills started to stack. I started becoming very stressed and started to drink more again (but not drive).

Then, in 2003 W became pregnant again with daughter. This time it was planned. We were pretty excited! Then, suddenly I was laid off due to the economy and contracts! I was devastated!!! W was pregnant, we had lots of bills, I was unemployed in a bad economy!!! Luckily, I had some savings but had to pretty much exhaust them all while looking for new job. I started drinking more.. We were very adamant about keeping the house no matter the cost. I ended up taking a job that required extensive travel but paid well. We decided that she apply and start nursing school. This way, we would NOT have to rely on my income alone in the future, we would both eventually have solid careers.

For 18 months, I traveled, months at a time to be home a couple of weeks and then travel some more. It was VERY hard on us but it saved our house. I couldn't take the traveling anymore, it was affecting the kids and our relationship too much. It wasn't worth it. I quit that job and found a local job. She started nursing school. I took on a second night job to help facilitate that. This went on for two more years!!! I worked two jobs (one a night job and one a part time day job) and she went to nursing school fulltime, with 2 children! We hardly had any time together. To say it was rough would be a huge understatement!! I remember pacing the halls at night believing that once it was all over we could really have a LIFE together as a family. I was my motivation. All through this I was drinking to cope and was basically neglecting our relationship. Three weeks before her graduation, I got my second DUI! Totalled my car, lost my license, all that. She threatened divorce, I quit drinking reluctantly. I understood I had a problem. I was EXTREMELY REMORSEFUL and thankful that she didn't leave right then. This was May 2007.

I did manage to keep my primary job and continue to work until August when I got lucky and found a better job and at the same time received a nice severence package from my previous job. The bills all got paid up. Long overdue home improvements and repairs were made. I got a nice plea bargain thanks to a good lawyer that only required 'house arrest' so I could start a new career at the same time she was getting a great job as an RN. Things were beginning to go our way for once! I was having a few drinks on the weekends but my depression and alcohol dependence was fading and I was REALLY becoming happy again, FINALLY!!! I thought she was too. I bought her a nice bedroom set that I wanted to give her for graduation but I couldn't afford at the time. I bought a new TV and PS3 for movie watching. The only issue left at hand was dealing with the DUI sentencing and her taking a weekend night shift because of car and child care logistics. I tried to talk her out of it because I knew that we needed more time together but she said there was no choice short term. Later on when I got my license back she could change her schedule. I didn't like it but figured it was going to be ok for now.

Then, On Oct 22 she told me IWAD! I was crushed!! She never got over my DUI in May among many other things but stopped talking about it months ago. She was waiting for the opportunity to leave. She wanted out of the marriage and if I wasn't going to leave then she will! She was going to work extra shifts to pay for one of us to leave. Her timing was impeccable. I felt decieved and unappreciated although I did admit that I knew things weren't that great but I thought things were finally getting better and that we could work on living a happy life, repair the wounds of the past without all the external pressures we had before. She wanted nothing to do with it. Why would she? She has lost weight over the past year and was looking better than ever, she has a wonderful high paying career now and she didn't need me anymore! I asked her why now? I thought things were improving? She said she was 'faking it' and she knew for several months that a divorce is what she really wanted, no thoughts of trying to work anything out. Her mind was made up.

Sorry to post such a long story but I had to give some background on my situation.