Thanks for the advice, tried a bit this week and it actually worked out, I think. W was taken aback by my "attitude". Don't get me wrong I didn't overdue anything just lashed a bit. I ended up spending thanksgiving with my w's family. I showed up late, because I had to pick up my sis at the airport. The night went well and even had sil and bf back to "our" place for games afterward. W threw me off on thanksgiving morning by being lovey dovey and making comments about how good looking I am, etc. At one point she came up behind me while I was on this site and "snuggled" and asked in a genuine way "what ya doin'". I was thrown off balance for a bit, but think took things in stride. W has actually stayed home for a couple of days, but went through a bought of text's last night while we were watching a movie, assuming OM. Don't ask don't tell, so who really knows. This is a boundary being broken, but I just played it off and hung with ss. Today we went seperate ways with family get togethers, I had a blast at mine. I really don't expect to see her much for the next few days, but sobeit. I find myself wanting for the days like thanksgiving to reappear, with the deep kisses and hugs and compliments. Don't expect them, but sure is nice. She is in pull back mode, so what do I do? I just keep sticking to the path I have been on and as soon as I can sell a couple of my horses to cut costs I have a great apartment lined up. In all reality I haven't been trying hard for this, never had to, but since the market is so saturated right now it is tough. All and all I am thankful for so much, I have found this holiday very refreshing.
Cliffy - Do not move out until absolutley necessary. Much more effective to demonstrate change while you are living together. Wish I had found this site before I moved out of my house.
In any case, good luck.
My situation was a disaster 7 weeks ago. After DBing my butt off, my wife, daughter and I just spent a great Thanksgiving holiday together. W and I slept in the same bed and are talking next steps.
But... who knows. Next week she may tell me it's over.. again.
Thanks for visiting me on my thread. I can't get to your original thread, but it looks like you've been at this for awhile by the date you registered. I tried to go to your original thread, but I kept getting bounced out. It looks like OM is involved? How do I get to your original situation. It seems like you've got your stuff together! Good for you. Why are you considering moving out. It seems like your W. is still unsure. "You look good?" "Whatch'a doin?' those of us with acidic spouses NEVR hear that.
I am not sure why you can't get to my old thread, I cannot find it either. I will ask for help from the moderator. I have been at this awhile, a little over a year now. My w is very unsure, I hear/see lots of good things, but in reality not much has changed over the year, back and forth quite a bit. W is having an affair with the father of ss, started as friends soon after we were married. The thoughts of moving out are more for myself than anything else, I can't hang in this limbo. In fact I am not sure I want my wife anymore and am tired of being so low on the totum pole. She is out with friends with or without OM at least 3 times a week and usually spends the night. I am fortunate however that we still get along as friends and there has been very little bitterness, except some on my part, but that was early on but rears its head on occasion. I still have confusion about the move at times, but we had a talk several weeks ago about me looking for a place, which I initiated. I think perhaps this may be the only thing left to save this m, to find clarity for myself.
BTW, I am in no hurry to move, due to the circumstances involved. I need to find good homes for a few of my horses to even be able to afford it, without getting rid of my "hobby" completely.
- WAW still not willing/able to be the person we deserve. - LBH not sure he wants WAW back. - Still living together. - LBH ready to move on with his life. - Kids who we love are involved which makes things perfectly complicated. - WAW firmly planted on the fence (not filing and not giving up OM).
I wish I had the key to moving past this place smoothly and with minimal pain on all parties involved, but I am starting to think that a friend of mine has it right. He says, "it's like a bandage, just pull it off quick and get it over with."
This is based on his experience with a WAW, now his ex-W. His kids are now in HS/college. He ended up with custody after ex couldn't deal with them.
Starting to look like a better and better plan!
Anyway, as always, search for the Path with Heart.
SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
cliffy, do you need the cash from a horse sale or just to cut monthly expenses or both? If you don't need the cash then consider a lease to someone with option to buy after a year, gives you time to settle. Also, do you have any theraputic riding groups there? They are usually looking for good horses for their programs and they take excellent care of their "partners" for the program. You can donate (tax deduction) or lease to them, I don't think they buy outright. Another option, call your local 4H extension office or FFA chapter and see if some young person is looking for a mentor. You keep your horse, and the family helps you out.
What else is new?
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
