How to explain a boundary

[sgctxok]

Hi Casey,

I found your thread. But I'm not sure how to advise you because I don't know what the real question is or what your real goal is.

Please expound, and then click 'notify moderator'....because my brain is a sieve, and this will remind me.


Just a few note:

I feel threatened by him but I think I'm just being paranoid and melodramatic.
Honor these feelings. You are NOT just being paranoid and melodramatic.


I don't like to tell him how I really feel because I'm scared of his reaction. I don't want to be the bad person. Therefore I end up not saying anything at all, or sounding frustratingly wishy-washy which drives him nuts. I just wish I could find some cojones and say what I feel (though of course, that presupposes that I actually KNOW what it is I am feeling! - But that's my problem that I need to work on).


[whoops....MIL rang, got distracted]

I told her yesterday what had happened and she was ringing me to say she'd spoken with her husband (my h's dad). h's dad seems to be of the opinion that my h needs to be confronted with his behaviour, but my MIL is worried that by doing that, it will set h off again. I personally don't think that it would get that volatile - at that point. It would blow up sometime later when I wasn't expecting it.


THIS IS NOT 'DB' ADVICE, THIS IS MY EXPERIENCE...I AM NOT A PROFESSIONAL:

Honor your feelings. And trust your mom's sense. If you are going to leave...make a plan. Stay vague until that time.

There is a very good chance that when you do this will escalate. You already sense it.

And if you feel it escalate before then...your time is up. File. Get a restraining order. Change the locks even if you can't legally.

Unfortunately, you will have to spend money to do that. But you will be safe. Start finding out what you can do legally.


About being reactive
Force yourself to stop it. Don't give yourself an out. It's hard in the moment, and hardest the first time. It gets a little easier each time.


Thanks,
sg