Thank you, RCR - I am standing ... I am not pushing to change or quit ... but you are right that I am not a Covenant Keeper; I was raised in the Presbyterian Church with a mother who is an ordained minister. That good ol' Calvinist practicality leads me to find prayer and Buddhist meditation both equally important during this time.
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I define moving on as getting a life and being happy with my Self...while Standing. ... Hope is not something to which you have to cling. It will still be there when you Let Go.
This is what I feel. I am getting a life, I am creating ways to live my future if my h returns or not -- ie: I am growing from being that 50% person I had allowed myself to become to the 100% person I know I can and need to be in order to be a healthy partner -- but I am not encouraging my husband's wish for divorce. I have let go, I think, at least today (my ability to do that seems to come and go), but I have not abandoned hope even if I recognize mere willing this marriage to survive will not make it so.
One hope I have is that in the midst of all of this discussion, w8ing and others are finding something they each can take away. Like you, RCR, I try not to expect anyone to commit completely to what I have found as the way to survive this painful journey.
And with that, I am going to meet my family (including my WAH!) at a restaurant tonight for a hopefully ( ) less stressful Thanksgiving. Please send good thoughts and prayers for a successful and indigestion-free meal!
Thank you, all, for any good thoughts. We made it through the meal with easy conversation and little stress. I most worried about my sons since they often feel more stress than me or my H, but they reported feeling fine! To top it off, my H and I drove back the 22 miles in a car alone and managed no R talk and only friendly discussions about friends and others we know. He ventured a couple things about what he is doing to help himself, and I managed to back off when the one topic I brought up threatened to get his back up. So small blessings all around!
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The Zen comes in handy.
Yes - especially to keep one centered on the now, while the prayer helps with the long-haul.
As for the film - I read the explanation blurb (we only have dial-up so watching the film is not happening) and I agree that God is always near in the midst of difficult and painful times. I don't think He causes these times - goes with my conviction of a HP as a loving God who does not physically intervene - but I know that in the midst of these times, I hear His voice more clearly. Maybe I listen harder because I need to more.
I am now at my parents and have limited computer access, so I have been unable to respond.
I have read all of these posts. I have also calmed down from getting this batch of papers.
I am back to my new normal. Still don't know what is in store for me long term, what I am thinking, or what I will do....but I have stopped the spinning for now.
I got a text message from H's sister today telling me that her H's father passed away this morning. I am about 5 hours away from home. Viewing and funeral are about halfway between where I am and home.
So I am thinking that I will attend the viewing on Sunday on my way home...even though the girls and I don't really have appropriate attire....all we have are jeans.
I don't know what to expect, who will be there, or if I should even go. But it doesn't feel right for me to not go.
I want to thank everyone for posting on the last couple of pages...usually I try to respond to each post, but there was just so much information that I know that I won't be able to do that. I did read everything and am thinking about everything that was posted. Thank you again.
w8 Hi you will know what your next move is when time is right glad you are more peaceful now and spinning has stopped Hope all goes well tomorrow H sister wants to stay connected to you and that is good our H choices shouldnt afect our R with their family- peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
) less stressful Thanksgiving. Please send good thoughts and prayers for a successful and indigestion-free meal! 