My heart truly goes out to you --- you are going through what I went through about 9 months ago --- I could not understand why my husband hated me so much -- he moved out a year ago and when he came round to see the kids at the weekend he would bring coffee (& lunch) for them & not for me, he would go out of his way to be spiteful to me --- he would not even glance in my direction and if he had to say something --he would face the wall and have the 'yes'/'no' conversation --- as for the twisting --- H should have been a lawyer. It has been extremely difficult on my children S15, D19 but they now understand that he is "confused" and they help him.. At that point I read everything (& am still reading) about MLC, I had a phone session with Jim Conway, I have just ordered a book by Derek Milne 'Coping with Midlife Crisis' ---- I now have some sort of idea what he is going through --- he has very painful issues which only he can resolve - you cannot help him --- dont try & figure the stages ---- they come and go. From my experience, I will make the following suggestions:
1). Detach 2). Face your fears - you will find happiness within by doing this 3). Be positive around your husband -- do not fuss around him --- --- if he wants to sit in the den --- let him --- he is dealing with his issues. You have to tell yourself that your husband is "not well" - help him by being kind & patient no matter what he says to you. You have to learn not take anything he says personally. 4). Focus on yourself and your son --- you need to be in the right frame of mind if you want to help your husband. Get out of the house, join a gym, take up a hobby, volunteer, talk to your friends, take yourself back to the time before you got married, have fun, visit family, make an effort with your appearance (wear make up, H, sexy clothes, perfume - Jims Conways advice), have flowers around the house --- your husband is in depression -- so you need to lift your spirits ---- do this for you
5). Time -- treat this period as a long vacation --- this is likely to go on for years ---- so be kind to yourself and your son. --- stop worrying about your husband ---- he will heal quicker if he knows and your son are okay.
