Seriously, IMHO, if you want to go, go. if you don't, don't. But only go if you intend to enjoy the party and you already know people there, other than your h. I recently went to a business dinner with my H, not knowing anyone. But we are piecing and I am going as HIS (corporate) WIFE. So that's OK. Since according to him, you two are getting a D, then what role will you be at the party? Not as a wife, not as a partner (cause that would be OW), ??? But if you want to go to see friends and enjoy yourself, i feel that's OK. I don't go as a trophy (stbx) wife. These H is funny, the thoughts are all over the place and totlaly illogical.
Seriously, IMHO, if you want to go, go. if you don't, don't. But only go if you intend to enjoy the party and you already know people there, other than your h.
I'm not kidding, OC. I do know people there. Plus, I can be extremely charming at cocktail parties and really don't mind being a "trophy wife"
Well... enough about that. Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Try to make the best of the blessings that we all have.
Here are things which I now believe are part of H's "front": wears wedding ring; takes me to holiday and family parties; stays living in our house
Here are some weird things that don't make sense: kisses goodbye every a.m. and hugs/kisses goodnight; calls to "check in" every day; tm multiple times every day; asks if it's "ok" to go out and do stuff; talked me into waiting to file because of a "business transaction" ... wth??
He is still in the fog, that's why. Deep in his heart, he knows what he is doing is wrong. H told me once, "the pull (from OW) is very strong". It is really like an addiction.
In regards to wedding ring, I am not wearing mine. He got mad at me once asking "why you are still not wearing your wedding ring?" (i am still not ) I told him because "there are still 3 people in this R". That was a few months back, after he "broke up" with OW. But of course, to me, the contact is still there so I told him he was still having A (with the contact) hence still a 3 person R. He has not forced me to wear it. I did put it on once in July to go with him to a business dinner (as the corporate wife as I told you before) and I did wear my ring. He did notice and thanked me for wearing the ring. But I took it off the next day. No reaction from him. This is my silent protest to him.
There is a thread somewhere by heartbless? in MLC archive? I think talk about 6 stages of MLC. I remember it mention at somepoint they will relive almost all the stages before re-committing. I think that's why there is this roller coaster and indecisiveness. Hang in there, he misses you certainly (of course, there is the other half he misses ow also). But hang in there, you will be OK. I have a good feeling for you.
I took my ring off this summer, then had a moment in church where I realized I am still married. I am at least married in my eyes, so the ring went back on. Still there. No comment either way from H.
Funny story: The day after H confessed to me, I was at work, and my big diamond just fell out of my setting. I couldn't believe it. Someone saw it happen or I never would have found it. Odd, huh? I had it in a baggie on our desk and H took it in to be repaired without a word.
olive: fog fog fog and some guilt. These are good things, though, he still cares about you. I guess its up to you to wait it out....
Thanks OC - that is very interesting. I'm not sure if H is in MLC or not but some of that sounds familiar. He's definately depressed a lot these days.
lwb - That is very strange about your diamond falling out of the ring. Our wedding picture fell off the wall the other day and the frame broke beyond repair.
About the ring.. .some days I feel like you OC and some days like you lwb.. I actually just love my ring - it is beautiful!
Just checking in. Seems that things are at a stand still for you. Just stay strong and follow your heart.
I had a discussion with XH today that most LBS's never get a chance to have. He finally admitted that if he could erase the last year of our lives, he would in a heartbeat. He also told me that everytime him and OW are at the doctor, he wishes he was there with me. I'm glad he finally told me these things...I needed to here them for the closure. I hope from the bottom of my heart that your H wakes up and realizes how important you are to him before he takes it to the point of no return like my XH. Things do happen for a reason and we just have to put our trust in god to help us along the way.
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
Hope - Thanks for checking in. That just breaks my heart that your xh wishes he were at the dr. with you - having the baby wiht you.
Yes.. we are at a standstill. After all of the blustering of how H wanted a D, nothing has happened except separate bedrooms. I try not to even ask where he's going or when he'll be home.
checking in on you... limbo is a crappy thing... im glad that you are holding back from asking him things, that's great. A lot of our spouses like to talk the big talk, but mostly is a bunch of crap!
have a great day !
tal
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
