Input, WH and I own business together

[micoms]

Yeah, I broke down and called her last Fri. Asked about dinner sometime and she agreed to go to dinner sometime. I don't know if DB'ing is having much of an effect on her yet. I thought so before her trip but then she filed for the D after a weekend of female bonding and male bashing. I know it takes time. I'm thinking of doing the DB coaching.

I don't know about the house sitch, might be better to put that decision off until your sitch plays out. Or maybe let him know you're thinking about building and ask him what he thinks. Just talk about doing it sometime in the future.

I used to breed angel fish years ago. I raised jet black veils. Had an aquatic store that would buy every one I had. They were beautiful fish. Haven't seen any angels that looks like what I used to breed in years. They were solid black with tails twice as long as their bodies. Used to have about 25 tanks in the basement.

Today has been a down day for me, too much thinking. Hard to GAL with my recent surgery. I am going to go to the bowling alley to see the guys i bowl with, I'm done for the year for now.

Did you find better ear cleaning solution than what I'm using for my Lab? Will see W on T-day, D24 is doing this year, I can't do it. I always do the turkey, dressing and gravy. Will try to DB while there. I think i might flirt with her. Wink at her from across the room. Told her she looked fantastic Sun, she denied. I think some things I'd done in the past might have effected her self esteem, inadvertantly. I'd like to talk to her on what I could do to better myself. Tried to talk to her best friend, my best friends wife, she doesn't want to get in the middle. I just want to find out what she might think what I can do to help our Sitch. I respect her wish.

Mike

Mike

[micoms]

Have a good holiday Grid.

Got a great boost to PMA tonight. Went to see friends I used to bowl with tonight, told them about my surgery and sitch with W and I, one guy's longtime GF (together 15 yrs)told me I'm a keeper, the kind of guy her GF's dream of meeting. She introduced me to a couple of men who had gone through the same thing and they got back together. One was separated 6 mos, the other was actually divorced 15 mos before remarrying. This couple sat with me in the restaurant and talked to me about what they went through.

Mike

[grid, lost]

micoms,
Hi again, I lost you for a bit. still learning how to get around on these forums and track stuff.
Ear wash for your lab. Just posted on one of my dog lists asking for the formula for the stuff. Realized I lost my records with last computer crash. Can ANyone Say Backup. lol
Micoms, PMA, a boost from friends always helps.

So how did T Day go? If you posted I've missed it sorry.? W giving you any smiles back or a little flirt here and there?
One thing H has taught me is don't push it.!

Have you tried the coach route yet? I am thinking of it to. To see if they can help me, first get some answers on way H is acting. You know the gift think,etc. Confirming if LRT is working or not. Let me know if you do try the coach ok???

Male bashing::::: try a flip on this, if opportunity comes up, mention to W. your guy friends or guys @ club, bar, where ever, all have this and that input on what he (micoms)should do. W. hopefully will realize your saying Woman Bashing::::: Then say, to W. "this is my life and regardless what everyone says I am going to do what in my heart I feel is the correct thing to do. Right now I'm (micoms) am working on a new direction and new experiences.! I don't know if that will backfire or plant a few seeds for thought. Maybe the seed will be I shouldn't listen to others just my own heart.
What happens with W if you go dark?
Are you going to contest D if wife files? I would if you don't want to end M and can afford bone picking attorneys. You aren't an attorney are you?????? lol

25 tanks and raised those beautiful black angels. ????!! You are correct the solid black are not around very much these days. Although funny, just saw a tank of them in a store last week and thought you don't see black much these days.
Angel fish can get really big and aggressive. Years ago I had one almost like a pet. Would come to the top of the tank and want me to pet/stroke his nose!!
All 25 tanks for angel fish? I can never get any fish to breed. I p/u a 3-4 gallon tank @ a yard sale. I am going to see I can use this as a breeding tank, etc. Love the silver dollar fish. Large, gracefully, and not to aggressive. Have three in my tank right now. The tank looks great after I tore it all down, etc. That is an 6-8hr. job for me at least.

later and stay well

[micoms]

T-Day wasn't that good W stayed distant. D's BF got his old job back, gave 2weeks notice to current employer and old job withdrew offer, now current job won't take him back. He left for Nashville about 7PM to meet cousin and work for him. Both D's drove him half way to meet his cousin. Left W and I alone, she'd fall asleep so I stayed to keep an eye on GS. Well I blew it. Told her I don't want a D, but I can't stop it if she wants it, that I always have & always will love her. I said I've been reading R books and see where I've made some mistakes, that I didn't like the man I was for the last year or so before she left, in fact I despised him. I want to leave the door open, if she wants to try we'll start from that point, learn from past mistakes but not dwell on them. At times she looked like she was thinking about then said she just wants out that I can't change. She said she thinks any changes I make won't last.

I'm thinking of doing the coaching, I know I haven't done too well on my own. GAL is hard to do when I'm recovering from surgery. W already served me, I meet with my Atty in a week. I will try to drag it out a little, but don't want to run up big atty bill.

I used 20 gal long tanks for breeding and getting breeding pairs, 10 as hatching and nursery, 29 gal tanks for raising to sales size. I also have a L-shaped show tank about 80 gal. It used to be in a pet store, the store moved into new building next store but by the lease tank had to stay in building. I knew the people who owned the building. They wanted to know if I wanted the tank, I said no, he was going to bust it up with a hammer, so I save it.

Angle fish look so graceful and swim so slow. To get them to lay eggs I would add feeder guppies, the water would churn from them going crazy to catch the guppies. I'd never seen them swim that fast!

Going to S26's house to watch UC football game.

Mike

[grid, lost]

At times she looked like she was thinking about then said she just wants out that I can't change. She said she thinks any changes I make won't last.

I'm thinking of doing the coaching,
Mike [/quote]

Mike,
Try coaching don't give up yet. My H said the same thing to me "Can't change or if you change can't last" People can change if they want to and so will you! H went through tons of C for child abuse and really got his arm around the damage and how he dealt with it all. C help him find better ways, he did. So people can change, just like DR tells us.
I beleive I'd try coaching to. At this point it's a real life raft for you. Have you ask W to hold off D for a year till you can at least come to terms with all of this? What do your children say to you about all of this?
Mike I have the ear rememdy formula for your dog. If you do not mind emailing me private I can then email back to you. My email should be on open file for you.
Fish, WoW raising those fish sounds awesome. Poor guppies! do silver dollar fish eat meat?
If I ever have any angel fish pairs I'll be sure and add a feeder guppy.
so what became of all the tanks and the 80 gal one? the 80 sounds wonderful and I bet if one had a large room could really be worked in nicely. I always wanted a fish tank wall. You know the tanks are really in wall of a closet so you can manage from back of tanks. The wall faces out into a room. when i was growing up there was a friend across road and her dad had built a tank wall. They had 4 or 5 tanks in the wall. Really awesome to see. just beautiful.
Well enjoy the football game. wish i new how to help with W. Remember my H said the same thing and now has sent me a gift.
the gift opens a whole new issue . IS it an effort for R and US or is it an effort for H, OW and Me to be "best friends" as H puts it? So this gift issue has just left me for the entire weekend in deep deep depression. Now I'm going to have to tell him don't send me another gift as long as he isn't interested in our M. I believe if I were able to work and support myself I might even file myself. H walked away on 10-3-06. so it has been a long time now. Yet I know if I do file, H even if he wants to will not fight for R, comes from his child abuse. So I have to be so careful not to make a wrong move.
Hang in there consider the coach try. Only have a few hundred to loose.lol

[micoms]

I think I will try coaching. W wants to g full speed ahead on D, makes me wonder if OM is pushing her for it or if she thinks single life will make her problems go away.

I don't think I could be BF with the OP. I wouldn't tell him no more gifts, it is a away for him to stay connected to you. Do you think OW knows about that gift? If not would she be upset with him for sending it to you? He could be risking that to draw a little nearer to you.

Hang in there, use the 48 hour rule before making a decision. But I'd accept his gifts from him, it could be something that if OW found out could cause problems between them. I'm not saying for you to tell her, but if he continues to give you gifts, she'll found out sooner or later.

Mike

[grid, lost]

I think I will try coaching. W wants to g full speed ahead on D, makes me wonder if OM is pushing her for it or if she thinks single life will make her problems go away.

Micoms, I feel bad for you after reading your T. day post. Try the coaching. At least you will be able to look back and say I am a better person or we made it after all. Who made most of the decissions in your M?? U or W? OM maybe trying to control the situation. Do your kids ever comment? So many posters say it isn't over with the D. I don't know. I M for life so as badly as I am doing @ DR want to stand through this. Not sure I can but want to. I live in NYS, hard to get a divorce here plus H walked out on me. So here in NYS I don't even know if a judge would give him a D.

I don't think I could be BF with the OP. I wouldn't tell him no more gifts, it is a away for him to stay connected to you. Do you think OW knows about that gift? If not would she be upset with him for sending it to you? He could be risking that to draw a little nearer to you.

thank you for your input on the "gifts" issue. Your right he wants to stay connected to me. WOW, I never even gave it a thought about OW and these gifts! Your right she may not even know he is doing this!!!LOL thank you LOL H works from her apartment so is free all day to do what ever where ever he wants.
I bet your correct, OW is clueless on the gifts.

Hang in there, use the 48 hour rule before making a decision. But I'd accept his gifts from him, it could be something that if OW found out could cause problems between them. I'm not saying for you to tell her, but if he continues to give you gifts, she'll found out sooner or later.

Ok, you have to educate me here. What is the 48 hour rule??
thanks for helping.

[micoms]

Grid th 48 hour rule means to wait 48 hrs before responding to e-mails, phone calls etc., if possible, to give you time to think about what you might say, to keep yourself from saying something in the heat of the moment.

Our kids are 19 to 26yo, all of them don't understand why she wants to D. She doesn't talk to them about it or they don't tell me what she tells them. I know my S's have very hard feelings towards her. They have given up calling her because she won't return their calls, they've given up. They say they have called her 8 or 9 times without a return call. My 19yo D said that W wanting a D is stupid.

If she gets the D, I thing I'll leave the door open. Don't know how long , but I'll wait a while. I'm pretty sure she is in a MLC, the MC we saw together says it is probably one.

Most of of our decisions were made by both of us, what repairs to house, vacations, buying things. I never bought much for myself, my only indulgence was I bought myself good photography equipment. I do OK in that department. My S26 liked my pics of his wedding better than the guy he hired. I have several photos printed to 8x10 and hanging on the walls.

Grid I'm glad to have been a help.

Mike

[grid, lost]

micoms,
what sort of photography EQ do you have? I do a bit myself. I can not photograph people, ROFL, their to borring for me. I do a great job with animals and animals in high speed shots! Go figure. You know what they say, "the more I get to know people the more I love my dog"!

I think, you need to work with coach, slow D if you can, W needs her feet on the ground before she makes a life alterring decission like D. ( i am the worst speller on face of the earth!)

I feel bad for your kids. I lived my life with both parents one marriage only, they were married 53 yrs.! they died but a few weeks apart both unexpected. We all said when my father got to heaven, God looked down and said, Wife I need you up here to help me !!!!

[micoms]

My father died when I was 12yo, died of cancer at 36yo. Mom remarried to an a-h@!!. He was an alcholic and looking back probably had a MLC, he started chasing women. He wasn't a good stepfather, never helped me with a sport especially if i was better at it than he. Mom married him when I was about 14.

I have Canon digital slr eos 30d. Lenses are 17 to 85mm zoom and 70 to 300mm zoom both with image stabilization. I do better with candid shots of people and scenery shots. I used to take shots of the kids when they played high school soccer and their select teams when I wasn't coaching the teams.

I meet with my atty tomorrow, I told him on the phone I don't want to rush but also don't want to run up huge fees. I do want to drag it out a little, hopefully W comes out of MLC. I thnk she's in depression/withdrawl right now. She's lost contact with all her friends but one, her sons also.

Mike