If a man was a MAN and he COMPLETELY loved ME he would desire (broadly defined) to have sex with me or he would set me free. In other words, if you had a pet that was part monkey and you knew it was part monkey but you knew you weren't able/willing to let it out of the cage to play then if you really loved it you would know that was an unhealthy existence for a monkey and you would take it back to the jungle even though you would miss it and worry about it.
I just wanted to say that I loved the monkey analogy. Don't keep the monkey in the cage. The monkey needs love to.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
By all means, the *necessity* to have three (at least) wardrobes to properly embody all those lovely personas .... personae .... what's that pesky plural? And if there is some shopping involved, well, that's a price I'm willing to pay ..... grin.
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes. Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert
I have to go with imLIN and what I previously said ...
I have been on both ends - sex and no love, love and no sex and if I had to choose, I would much prefer the love with no sex.
Right now, my H and I are going through some major crisis issues in our life, other than the lack of sex, but had we not had any love for each other, there is no way we would be still sticking it out. Will we stay together - whose to say, that is still yet to be determined. There are a lot of "other" issues that will decide that besides "love"
However, I know my H loves me - unfortunately he does not desire me. He does not desire ANY woman, he never has in his whole life, at least not the way most of us would describe "desire". My H thinks of women as sex objects - in his 63 years of life, I am the first woman he has EVER had both a friendship and sexual experience with at the same time. Women in his past have been either sexual OR friendship, NEVER both together.
Does he have some "issues" - you bet he does. Can they be resolved - time will tell, I am guessing probably not as they are too engrained. But I still have hope.
Will that change our love and friendship for each other - no. That will always remain. IF we were to separate, it would NOT be for the lack of love between us. It would also not be because of the lack of sex. The reasons would be totally unrelated to either.
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
What is the best part? The expensive part, the wardrobe part.... or the shopping part?
I don't mind having the wardrobe but the expensive and shopping part I could totally live without. I am one of the rare women in the world that detest shopping. My H doesn't seem to mind either -
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
I don't think the question is bullstuff at all. My take on this is...why doesn't he desire me sexually? Is there a medical/mental condition? If so, then for me...if everything else in the relationship is enough for me to believe he REALLY loved me with everything he had...then yes, I could accept life without sex. It wouldn't be easy, but I could reconcile that...there would be a legitimate reason it wasn't ME that could help me accept that and therefore avoid the huge blow to my ego.
However, If the man were physically/mentally well-adjusted etc...then it is so much more difficult to wrestle with the lack of sexual desire. Then to be quite frank, I don't think I could stay in a marriage without sex. When we marry we do generally do it for better/worse, but it's an assumption we make as well that we will not be celibate in our marriages...we save ourselves for our spouse alone.
I'm also answering that question as a woman with a healthy sex drive. If I was still an LD woman (as I used to be), I think it would bother me much less...heck back then I might have even been glad of it to some extent, even though my female ego would still want compliments etc from him about my appearance...to know he found me attractive.
