Well, this detaching stuff seems to be working at least somewhat. It may not let me keep my wife, but I've actually been able have a number of good days. I've got things to look forward to doing and I'm still breathing.
Each day seems to get better. I've now got plans. One on how to continue to GAL and what that means without the W. And a contingency plan on how to move forward on my own if I have to do so without W (e.g., house, money, cars, etc).
It scared me at first to see how I could find things to look forward to without the wife. Now I realize that even if I still love her, she isn't perfect and there are things I gave up or compromised to be married to her that I get back if I'm on my own. Nothing major, but enough to look forward to being alone.
This morning when she hugged me as I left, I squeezed just a little more than I've been doing. The funny part was it wasn't to show her more love, it was simply because this morning was the best I've felt in a while. I think I may have moved from just going through the motions, to acceptance and a look forward. I'm sure that there will be many bad days ahead, but I do know I'll make it.
This last post sounds really good. There are things to look forward to. It's great being your own man. I'm sure you gave up a lot more than you realized during marriage....pieces of who you are. You'll have the chance to get them back if worse comes to worse. Keep focused on the positives. Your positive attitude will be attractive (or at least not as unattractive as a crushed man).
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
It's funny, all along I thought that is what you do for the person you love. It's about compromises. It's kind of refreshing to consider not having to give up those things I've always thought I didn't miss but really did in some way.
When the W was on the phone with her family on T Day she didn't mention anything about our current situation. Everything was peachy and about how happy she was here (we recently moved). I even heard comments about me doing well at work.
I know that I shouldn't read anything into this but does anyone have any insights on what this may or may not mean?
woog, personally i would not try and read anything into it. my wife does the same thing. alot of guilt and embarassment on her part.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
When the W was on the phone with her family on T Day she didn't mention anything about our current situation. Everything was peachy and about how happy she was here (we recently moved). I even heard comments about me doing well at work.
Guilt, fear, inability for her to explain to them what is actually going on.
It falls under the "100% of what she says isn't worth listening to" banner.
I used to love Sunday mornings. My wife and I would sleep in. Cuddy, maybe something more. Then we'd make breakfast and sit on the couch, watch TV, football, whatever. We guarded our Sunday's as "Family Day".
Now, I'm in my own purgatory on Sundays. The kids want to do the same thing as always. I, however, am finding excuses to spend more time outside or in the garage. I'm still upbeat and positive, but it is much harder. I miss our Sundays too much.
Doesn't help much that she dropped the bomb on a Sunday morning either.
woog, my w dropped bomb on a sunday also. sunday was always our day to take it easy, the same thing your family tended to do. youre right, not the same anymore. but be positive make a new sunday tradition.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
woog, my w dropped bomb on a sunday also. sunday was always our day to take it easy, the same thing your family tended to do. youre right, not the same anymore. but be positive make a new sunday tradition.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
