I also fret terribly about OW meeting my son. I remember my H telling me that when his parents split up his dad had OW and he hated her and lost a lot of respect for his dad...why do that to our son then? I just don't get it!
My H has serious daddy issues. His Dad left his mom for another W in FLA about 7 yrs ago. He abandonded his 3 kids too...H and his sisters are adults now. His Dad came back out of the blue a year and half ago to give his Mom a divorce and H let him meet our D. H thought this would be what would trigger him to want to be involved in his kids lives. Instead his dad left and we haven't heard from him since. This killed him. Shut him down emotionally. It's the trigger that I believe started this whole crisis. His mother likens it to a death...a death with no body. No mourning...no closure. That was when is EA started.
H defends what he is doing and differentiates himself from his father by saying he would never abandon his kids. He says, "Marriages break down, people fall out of love...but you don't abandon your kids". He also said, "I was never mad at my dad for what he did to mom, I was mad for what he did to us kids". Shows you where his head is at.
Thing is, I was the one who helped is whole family through the madness when his dad left. I was their rock. I was his mothers shoulder to cry on. He's forgotten all of that. He's forgotten all the horrible things his Dad made everyone feel and now he's doing the same...worse in my opinion with a newborn.
RCR mentioned to me on another post that I don't want to stop or prevent my H's crisis otherwise he'll have a much worse one at mid life. See...his Dad had affairs when his kids were young that no one knew about. He never did anything about it and look what happened 20 yrs later! RCR...you are bang on. Hopefully that's why H is going thru this now. I just hope that there is hope for us out of it!!! I believe in him...somehow through all of this I still believe in him and love him. Call me crazy!
