Good advice, but you need to know why. Self protection finaincially and for the kids is the obvious reason, but ther eare other reasons when you are Standing.
Those lawyers or mediators that work with both parties work to get both parties to agree--just as it would be with separate lawyers. But whose interestis paramount? Since each opposing party is the lawyer's client, no interest is greater. If you agreed on everything, it would be a great way to proceed.
But by definition that is not possible to agree with everything if you are Standing. One person wants a divorce the other does not. This is uncrossable territory...no agreement. You disagree on grounds--and that there should be a divorce at all. A single lawyer cannot bring that to agreement.
And in most places it does seem we cannot legally stop a divorce...eventually. A few years may need to go by, but sometimes the separation and waitying period states make it seem even easier to divorce after the waiting period--no contesting at all! I don't know what it's like in Canada, but there are likely similarities.
MLCers want this process to be smooth and easy. And that's not an MLC trait, who wouldn't? If two people mutually agree to divorce, they want it to be cordial, smooth and easy too.
But you are not going to make this easy on him. No, that doesn't mean you're going to make it difficult either. It is not your job to make it anything...no helping at all.
Get you own lawyer who understands your goals--reconciliation. Contest the divorce and disagree with whatever you can. Do waht you need to protect yourself financially.
He will be pissed that you are going out on your own for this. TOUGH. "That's the way these things work Sweetheart." And when he wants to discuss the legal proceedings--refer him to the lawyers...and yeah, he'll get pissed again.
Do not fear the anger. Be consistent. His goal is to be angry at you so you break. Your goal is to be loving to him--softening his anger and paving a safe path home. The road is paved with consistency.
Quote:
I thought the birth of his son would trigger something, but he's in fact gotten worse.
Oh No! That likley triggered him all right...triggered cold fear. MLCers (and others) run from fear. He cannot handle this added responsibility right now and so he is seeking escape.
Let him go. Protect yourself and take care of those babies. He's going to spend some time spinning and you don't want to be caught in that web.
