if a man admired/loved my pilgrim soul he would have sex with me for a variety of reasons
Ahhhh but MoJo - what if he couldn't? I would think THAT is part of the question NOP is asking. We can't have BOTH - we have to pick one or the other
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
He isn't 'telling' me anything. I see it more as 'inviting' me.
Maybe being casual is his way of being confident? What I mean by "telling" is, for instance, I might drape myself kind of slinky in front of GP and thereby "tell" him to check me out. "Telling" someone to give you validation isn't the same as "asking" someone for validation because you're already self-validating but just sort of spreading the word around for various purposes. - lol.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Ahhhh but MoJo - what if he couldn't? I would think THAT is part of the question NOP is asking. We can't have BOTH - we have to pick one or the other
I'll steal Corri's "bullsh*t". If I was married to Stephen Hawking and he loved me for my pilgrim soul I'd expect that he would want to please me with some robotic-controlled invention.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Just because he loves you, doesn't mean he has sexual DESIRE - it's not something that comes automatically to a lot of people, men and women alike, just because they love someone
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
being loved is necessary but not sufficient and being desired is necessary but not sufficient.
I know that evades the question.
If you "waterboarded" me, I guess I would have to say that being loved is more important, but knowing that someone loves you (as I know my bf does) and yet not seeing evidence of any desire is pretty dadgummed hard to live with year after year... especially when I was truly loved by one man at one time and truly desired by another man at one time. How lovely to have both of those in the SAME MAN. I can hardly imagine it.
Just because he loves you, doesn't mean he has sexual DESIRE - it's not something that comes automatically to a lot of people, men and women alike, just because they love someone
If he loved(verb) me for my pilgrim soul (accepted me as I am including my sexuality), he would desire (broadly defined to include all the reasons that might motivate somebody to do something) to have sex with me. This is just the same as saying that if I love my child I will desire to keep her/him fed. Sometimes I might want to eat myself. Sometimes not. If I didn't want to feed my child because I was an anorexic, I would put it up for adoption. Of course, since I am not a child, I would realize that my partner wasn't capable/willing to love me because he was an anorexic and I would leave. Same goes if my partner wasn't willing/capable of feeding me because he was resentful/lazy etc. etc. Nothing could compel me to stay in a relationship that I recognized was that unhealthy for me.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
So what happens to all the men and women out there that have been married for years and years, do you think at 90 years old they are still having sex? I doubt it - but they have something that is deeper and better than sex, they LOVE each other and that is what keeps them together, NOT the sex
Quite frankly, if you were anorexic you wouldn't have the capability to even understand anything about feeding yourself, let alone a child. As much as "we" (all of us on this board) want to have a fulfilling sex life, it is not a necessity of life - it is a desire, a very pleasureable desire but not a necessity. I don't know how you can label not having sex as being "unhealthy"
Just because someone, man or woman, does not have a sexual desire does not mean they are "lazy or resentful" - some just do not have the desire, plain and simple. It is not something that comes naturally to all of us. I wish it was, but it is not the case.
I am living with a man that it does not come naturally to - even when he had his A, sex was not a "desire" it was simply for the sexual release and had nothing to do with love in the least. We stay together primarily for the love we share. Do I wish it was more than that, you betcha!! Will it ever be? I don't know and I also don't know at this point if we will stay together much longer. But if we don't stay together, it won't be because of our lack of sex - it goes much deeper than that
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
The questions aren't bullstuff (at least not in my opinion, or I wouldn't have asked them), they are based on assertions made by a well known psychologist. I will reveal the text of the assertions and the name of the book a bit later on.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
