Which is more important to you, a) being loved or b) being sexually desired.
Well. In terms of a LTR, I still think this is a bullsh!t question. I know what you are trying to get at... but given what I have experienced in my life... if I were still in my xR, I'd say, being loved. But if I knew I were really loved, sexual desire would never be a problem for me.
So... one must answer... what does it feel like to be loved. In my last R, I was ignorant and lacking in true honesty. I worked my way toward it. Mrs. NOP is a big fan of radical honesty, isn't she NOP? I know she has done lots of her own work... you two are WORKING together. I'm sure it isn't always smooth... but...
I could get lazy about now. I could let my drive slip, I could stress and worry incessantly... I could 'take care' of things and use that as my excuse forever. I don't WANT to. I LIKE being a sexual, vibrant woman. I LOVE feeling that. I love sharing that feeling.
I've been in two places now. I hit my moments, and I always will. But LOVE, to me... is never sitting in my CotU chair for longer than a few days. I can have my moments... and NOT take them out on my partner. I'll break up first before I do that. Simply because I've BTDT and I won't do it again. That is not love to me.
With a man that I WANT to be with, and knock myself out over, love and sexual desire go hand-in-hand. Period. Been here too long, been through enough stuff on my own, to ever give that up.
There was that young guy with the fiancee who lost her desire here recently... I feel for them. With age and experience, if we are willing to listen, comes a certain... knowingness? I know what I want.
That does not mean I am in the perfect R. Far from it. Challenges are on the immediate horizon. But if it fails, it isn't because I wasn't ME, I wasn't honest, I copped out, or got lazy. If it fails, it means it was because I didn't love ENOUGH. To draw boundaries, to be honest, to call crap when I see it, to solve a problem, to put up with sh!t I should never put up with...
Loving is the ultimate act of courage. Sexual desire is the reward. I think anyway.
