mk, I saw enchanted today. glad I went on my own, didn't take the kids, don't think I will. mainly because of the divorce/mom abandonment stuff that was in there, just not a good thing for them right now. not that I am afraid of starting a dialog with them, more because (highlight the following to read, spoiler alert) I'm afraid the divorcing couple who reuninted would plant false hope into their heads. that is my main reason. and I know that could be talked about, and if my kids were older, maybe, but no way would I do that to them right now.
I'm not all that concerned about the age difference, because amy adams, at 33, doesn't come close to looking 17-20. I figured she'd been stuck in her tower for a while...sure seemed like she was longing for love and had been for a long time. she and dempsey do have an age difference, but it wasn't that much. I get what you are saying about the partner switch. that bugged me some, too. but at least in that, he wasn't married, and didn't seem all the eager. but yeah, the didn't sit well.
I really liked the movie, but no, with what my kids are dealing with, I won't be bringing them. might be a nice chance for dialog someday, though.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
Sorry to hear about your Thanksgiving. I spent Thanksgiving in a guard tower so that my enlisted Soldiers could have the day off. Best solitude I've had in a while. Memories are a killer, especially when you combine kids+WAS! I'm sorry.
Bachelor #2 was at my work and he is awfully sweet and cute. I do enjoy flirting with him and that is all. THEN my mom introduced me to him again. We played this game and said, "Nice to meet you!" I thought that it was weird that my mom singled Bachelor #2 out. So did he. He said, "What a weird introduction." Then I thought about it. Why was my Mom trying to set me up with this guy? Does she know that I am already attracted to him?
THEN she whispered, "That guy used to date your H's girlfriend." I thought it was someone else. I was so repulsed. You know that whole couple switching thing from Enchanted? I think that is disgusting in real life. It kind of crushed me. He never mentioned it. I guess it could always have been a possibility in such a small town. So it just really upset me that so many people are connected to my H's affair. Either they witnessed it or know them now as a couple or they feel sorry for me or judge him, whatever. He is so blatant and it is so close to home. Plus, I was leaning toward Bachelor #2. Now maybe that is why, because he does sort of reming me of my H and maybe that is why this whore dated these two men, as they have the same interests and style. Do you know how upsetting that is. I have only flirted with this man but we were becoming very good friends and I really enjoyed his company and I figured he felt that way also. Now how can I trust someone in his position. Maird.
I channelled you guys all the way home! I did not make a furious to call to my H's cell. I did not send him a nasty email pleading him to move his affair out of town so people will stop gossipping to me at work! I did pick up my son while he slumbered so I did not have to go home alone. Two steps forward twelve steps back. I feel like I am back at Square One again in the pits. Like the only reason these men ask me out is because I am pathetic and the only reason so many people are nice to me at the bar is because they all know I have a lousy H.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
With guys flirting with you, after such a short separation, that should give you a hint that there are a lot of us out here, some NOT weird or repulsive. Not that I have a super high opinion of myself, but I'm......normal! There's a lot of NORMAL people out there. If it doesn't work out with your H, then it will come your way again. Don't try too hard. That's always the kiss of death, and a relationship now just muddies the waters. I have a great email correspondance going on with a wonderful woman I work with. She knows my situation, and I'm sure she's interested in me, but I never cross the line in my correspondance. Friendly, upbeat, no romantic overtures at all. That may come, but not now. I think you have a love-hate thing going on with your husband, and most of have that with our WASs. We just want to go back to them, but I DON'T WANT the crazy lady who replaced the woman I loved, and I venture you don't want that old husband back either. I'm sorry, and I know you love your H. and he's the father of your kids, but I don't see you as losing that much from what you've described. As time goes on, your open wound will heal over with steely resolve, and you're not going to want that same old husband either.
Good job not calling him. This 23 year old thing WILL NOT stay with him. Take it to the bank. When the first 24 year old turns her head, she's gone! You hang in there! ARMY STRONG!
I think you have a love-hate thing going on with your husband, and most of have that with our WASs. We just want to go back to them, but I DON'T WANT the crazy lady who replaced the woman I loved, and I venture you don't want that old husband back either. I'm sorry, and I know you love your H. and he's the fathe rof your kids, but I don't see you as losing that much from what you've described. As time goes on, your open wound will heal over with steely resolve, and you're not going to want that same old husband either.
AMEN! That is exactly how it feels and it is like torture. I have not been so dark lately, even letting him know he was always welcome for my brother's dinner and could join us for Thanksgiving Football in the park or at the ritual Christmas movie at the theatres. His eyes welled up with tears, he must miss the family so much. We did go to the movies together and play at the park the next day. He stopped by my brother's but guess what. No one invited him in so he just stood at the porch made an excuse that he had to study and left the kids. I was at my house napping still. I did not know they would exclude him but he would not have stayed anyways.
I do miss and love my old best friend. I feel like he is gone but that I will love him forever like I promised. But this stranger is even lower than the way some of our single men behave. It is so bizarre to hear a single drunk- ex- con -young- man scold my H's behavior!
Last edited by mkultra; 11/23/0704:57 PM.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
"Love-hate thing". That's me. Actually, I'm starting to feel hate more consistently. I realize that I love the man I thought he was, the relationship I thought I had. As I uncover more and more, I realize that my perception was always off. I was looking through rose colored glasses. He tried to be a good man, for a while, but he is now what he was before I knew him. I realize now that he did the same thing he's doing to me with his last girlfriend. I was the OW. He told me he was broken up with her, just sleeping on her couch, that she was controlling and blah blah blah. I believed him then. Now I see he's just completing his cycle. Only he married me and had kids with me. I guess I thought that required some kind of commitment. Silly me.
Sorry for the highjack, MK. I just wanted to say I know how you feel. People may scold my STBX, but he has plenty of people supporting him too. To them, I am the monster, somehow. It's probably my fault he doesn't see his kids too. Whatever.
He tells me I can't prove anything-the A, that he was living with her, etc. I don't need to prove anything. I know the truth. He knows the truth. I didn't break up our family. I didn't abandon our children. I didn't choose to pursue my interests instead of being a parent. The only thing I am guilty of is seeking truth; trying to hold my family and our lives together. Yes, I got angry at being lied to, cheated on, abused and manipulated. I didn't hurt anyone. I can sleep at night, and I have my beautiful children to wake up to.
Again, sorry to hj, MK. You deserve the best, MK. Forget bachelor #2. New fish are coming.
Last edited by nephartiti; 11/27/0707:05 AM.
Me29 H33 D9 months S2 S9(previous R) Sep 8-19-07 I file 11-5-07 H home (Retro) 2-15-08 "Today is the tomorrow of yesterday." -- S9
Hey mk - long time, no talk! Sorry, haven't been spending as much time on the boards lately.
I can sure relate to the things you said on the love/hate thing. I sometimes try to think of it that my H died - something sudden, car wreck or something. I met a guy who looks a lot like him, but it's not the same man. I dunno.. it helps me with the detachment a bit, and helps me kind of understand my feelings a bit better. If he died I'd love him forever like I promised.. but he'd be gone, too. Make sense kinda?? I know that's a bit morbid but it helps me think it through.
I also wanted to drop by and mention that we may now have a couple of options for you on the DB meetup in Sonoma. We've been trading emails around - since a number of us are arriving Friday, we're thinking about going out for drinks or something Friday night. So if Saturday won't work for you or if you'd like to hang out with us twice let me know. You can drop me an email if you're comfortable with it. I forget if I gave this to you before but it's:
nikki b @ surewest .net
(funky formatting to hide from Google... but just string it all together).
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
I'm not sure how ANYONE can support a guy or woman who leaves their family for another person. It's almost one thing to divorce a person first, then find someone else, but to leave your w. and kids....I don't know how anyone lives with themself. As far as you husband getting support, let him do it somewhere else. He won't get it here. What does he need support for? He left.
let me know. You can drop me an email if you're comfortable with it. I forget if I gave this to you before but it's: