How can this type of stuff fail to rip out our WAS's hearts? having families separated on the holidays are awful! How can any human being do this to another? There will be next year.....
You're right my Bro. It's a very sick thing to do to another human being. Just cruel. They have no heart at this point, no heart to rip out. My former WAS, would rather have had a homeless person at her house than to have me. In fact she more or less did at Christmas about four years ago.
But times they do a change! What looks and smells like fresh [censored] today, eventually returns to dust and blows away with the wind, fueling life in a different venue. Change is inevitable my friends, nothing EVER stays the same. Sometimes change is bad, and sometimes change is good, but change it will.
My W changed. It took about 6 years, but she changed. Her heart healed, she grew, and moved on through the crap. We're together again, have been for almost two years, best friends, companions, co-parents and we'll probably be together forever.
You keep hanging in there my friends, fighting the good fight, giving all that you can give, and moving on with YOUR own life. Let go, and rest assured that you are loved beyond your wildest dreams.
God Bless Thanksgiving!
COG
My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...&Number=660444&page=2#Post660444
Thanks for the reply. We admiited a guy to the hospital here today in Iraq, who has come completely unglued over his deteriorating marriage. Yesterday was her birthday, he called and she would not even talk to him. 7000 miles from home, in Iraq. Ughh!
I can so relate, as I personally came apart in March of 2006 and very much tried to check out of life in general.
Having seen what he's going through, however, I can also see the growth that I've made. I have very much "let go" or at least I think I have, but I still have a gaping hole in my heart!. I may be alone when I get home. I pretty much have decided that I will be, but it won't be from lack of not trying to be a good husband and father.
What saddens me more than anything of course, is that my kids need to be put in this situation. Never having the joy of an intact family for any other event as long as they live. I think of the photo albums at home when we were all together, and I become furious that W. could do this to the kids! It's purely self-centered on the WAS part.
You hit the nail right on the head. At this stage for them it's all about "me". I'm not happy, I'm hurting, I'm miserable, I hate this life, I'm angry at you, I'm better off without you. They justify everything to centered around what they decided is good for them. Kids? They will just be fine. Because I am happy and then they will too! It's very irrational but you just have to accept it. It's hard to do but you have to validate how they feel. There is no way in hell you would agree with how they feel but you have to validate. In fact, it may really shock them when you do that instead of arguing and telling her she's wrong to feel that way. Feelings are neither right or wrong. It's just the way they feel and you have no control over that. But letting her know you heard her and accept how she feels (not agreeing, accept), it makes her feel respected by you and in turn can soften her up. I really think that is the magic behind Retrouvaille. Allow feelings to be heard and accepted with no judgement.
M: 31 W: 31 M: 7 T: 8 S:4 D:2 Bomb dropped: too many to count or remember, 12/17/07 last one S on 9/2/07 W sent off D papers 12/31/07. Me trying to live life and hope she returns one day.
uck FLTC! That really sucks! Just don't understand how can anyone be that resistant.... Sorry bro.
M: 31 W: 31 M: 7 T: 8 S:4 D:2 Bomb dropped: too many to count or remember, 12/17/07 last one S on 9/2/07 W sent off D papers 12/31/07. Me trying to live life and hope she returns one day.
Fltc, Others have told me that their experiences with MCing with a resistent S were the worst memories of the entire breakup! I think it's best to just let them be if they are resistent, my W was and I just let it go. Who needs the all the BS they will lay on you because they are pissed at having to be there. It's just another thing to be blamed for. That said, I would highly recommend going to a Solution Focused Counsellor alone to work out plans for saving the M yourself. That could of some benefit.
So, how do WE manage our emotions in view of WAS's resistance to being human? How do we fix that gaping hole in your heart that you mentioned, FLTC? (I just wrote on my thread about being teary eyed when I heard the song off the new Eagles album called "What do I do with my heart?"). I think I am in control of my emotions and then get hit with a surprise reaction from a song!
What looks and smells like fresh [censored] today, eventually returns to dust and blows away with the wind, fueling life in a different venue. Change is inevitable my friends, nothing EVER stays the same. Sometimes change is bad, and sometimes change is good, but change it will.