H came home last night. He walked in the door. I greeted him with a big hug and a kiss. He joked that I was giving him a kiss and running out the door for girls night.
Anyway, I went to girls night and bought some fabulous jeans and a cool ring. Came home at 10:30 and H was in bed. I crawled into bed and we snuggled for a bit... caught up on the night, then went to bed. In the middle of hte night, S4 came in (as usual). So this morning when I woke up, I crawled in the other side of the bed with him and we laid there for about 20 min or so. Then he had to get up for work.
For now, things feel pretty good. Slow and steady.
As I go through this process, I am learning the things that are helping:
- Show desire for sex (a big need for H) - Don't probe too much on stuff - Don't snoop or act suspicious -- show him that I trust him - Don't act in a judgemental way - Take space from each other, but also take time to spend together - If sometign is bothering me, gently broach it with H in a non-accusatory way and nip it in the bud right away. - Show desire for sex (yes, I bookended with this one becuase it jsut makes such a difference to H)
Married 9 years Kids 5 and 6 Bomb 2006 H back and forth for a year M now back on track
What worked for me (way before H left, when I was too tired for sex but still wanted to please him) is buying new lingerie, just by wearing lingerie made me feel sexy and in the mood, and old suggestion but a good one
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Cat, I actually ahve tried that on a few occasions. My H finallly told me he's rather see me in nothing than in sexy lingerie. But maybe you're right. Maybe it would make me feel more "in the mood"
RJ, I still have my moments... but overall I'm feeling more stable. But I know how easily that can come crashing down.
Married 9 years Kids 5 and 6 Bomb 2006 H back and forth for a year M now back on track
Things still moving along smoothlty. Although, last night, I was in teh mood to pick a fight. I just todl H I was in an annoyed mood, and left it at that. We had sex, which in our case always seems to help to bring us closer together.
This morning, I worked at home and H has off. The kids were at school. I worked all morning. Then after I showered, I went down to where H was and flashed him (sorry, if this is TMI). He was all over that and followed me upstairs. Then... well, you know.
I am really realizing how much sex was a huge problem in our M before.
Gotta run b/f H sees me in here posting.
Married 9 years Kids 5 and 6 Bomb 2006 H back and forth for a year M now back on track
Okay, here's where my hard work comes into play. I have this urge to have a talk with H... but I won't.
Last Thanksgiving was really bad. Without going into detail, he was still living in his appartment, but we had agreed to work on the M and he had been promising me that he wasn't in contact with OW. Let's just say, that last Thanksgiving, I discovered that wasn't the case. And he was so nasty about it when I confronted him about it. It was a bad Thanksgiving. The whole Thanksgiving weekend, I was SICK... just trying to figure out how much more I could take. So by the end of the weekend, I broke down and told him to go and that I wouldn't live like this.
SO, flash forward a year. i started imagining all these scenerios in my head... about OW contacting him to wish him a Happy TGiving... and him feeling conflicted by it. I almost spoke up on several occasions yesterday. Then I told myself that I was imagining this scenerio in my head. I had the urge all day to check his cell phone, but I didn't.
I am still fighting these urges. I feel like I want to ask him of OW has contacted him. But then I tell myself that that would do not good. It would accomplish nothing.
Anyway, I'm struggling.
Married 9 years Kids 5 and 6 Bomb 2006 H back and forth for a year M now back on track
yea, I too had the urges when a special date would come up. THose urges will go away. The more you ask H about ow, the more you refresh her memory, we don't want that do we?
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Hang in there Peaceful, I too have those flashbacks and the desire to ask H for reassurance. Sometimes I break and ask, and it never feels better, because I can't really trust his answer, you know? Do you have a strategy for dealing with the fear? The flashbacks are coming more slowly and less frequently with every week that passes, if that helps.
Thanks, girls. I don't know what got into me the last few days. I was just feeling... icky.
I did ask my H the other day how he felt things have been going. Every few weeks, I check in. He said he's been feeling good lately. I explained to him about how I was feeling on TGiving and how sometimes I create scenerios in my head and my emotions react as though these things did actually happen. I told him that I still have days where I struggle, and I"m trying to figure out how to handle those days. he said he understood.
Anyway, the last few days have been good. Spending lots of time together, yet still taking space to be apart. It's basketball season, and we are both URI basketball fans. So, we listen to the games together (we don't get them on TV). We went to church today. I like for us to go as a family every few weeks, but I don't want to force it. Anyway, while at church, H grabbed my hand and held it for about 10 minutes. It felt good.
Anyway, one day at a time. Some days are good. Some days are hard. Just have to figure out how to navigate.
Married 9 years Kids 5 and 6 Bomb 2006 H back and forth for a year M now back on track
