I don't think you are responsible for funding her freedom. That was her choice and I agree with the statement that she needs (for her own benefit) to understand the realities of life. I also agree that she needs to decide what is right for her. The fact she is "cold" now that the flow of money has stopped is probably a signal about where she is at right now.
That having been said, I don't think there's anything wrong with asking her, in turn, what she wants. If she's willing to entertain the idea of getting back together (and you're willing as well), then agree to begin counseling. Don't get back together or start giving her money again, but begin working on the relationship.
This would have to happen for both of you to make progress and it would also be a good way to judge her commitment to the possibility of reconciliation. If it's about the R, then she'll agree and stick with it for some time. If it's about the money, then she'll likely decline right up front or bail after a short while if the money isn't immediately forthcoming.
Hang in there. Hope you had a pleasant Thanksgiving.
