Divorced but CANNOT "move on": Urgent Help Needed!

[Dead Man Walking]

AKMusic,

Thanks for the encouraging words. I'm sure you're probably right that my best chance for success will result from a sincere effort to be my wife's best friend. Unfortunately, she seems to have discovered a slew of new "best friends", now that she makes no secret of her new "very available" status. Incredibly, she seems to trust these strangers over me--simply because they are not me! I can't begin to understand why she would ask advice from any guy who sends her email--yet refuse to share anything with me. (The point is not lost on me; I WILL NOT offer her unsolicited comments or advice.)

She has recently "painted herself into a corner". She had been dating a particular older attorney for about 3 months, but she had seemed to be cooling to the relationship. She has been discussing with her XSIL ways in which she could extricate herself--unless he were to take some visible action to commit himself to an "exclusive dating relationship" with her.

I don't have to tell you that I was (privately) thrilled to see her break off with the dude; he is a transparent phony who manipulates my XW--without agreeing to stop seeing other women. (I know these things because her own sister, our D17, her former SIL, and her father have each told my XW that she deserves much better. I recognized his inferior qualities from the first week she met him, but I'm not allowed to offer opinions--or even to show any interest in her personal life anymore.)

Anyway, her OM recognized that "the jig was up", so he took pre-emptive action: He bought two tickets for a 6-day trip to the Bahamas the week before Christmas. He presented this invitation as evidence of his "affection" for her. Yet, he still refuses to stop dating other women, or to make any commitment to "always be there" for my XW.

My XW had refused to share OM's bed after finally recognizing that she was being taken advantage of. I'm betting that OM didn't reserve any rooms with twin beds in Bahamas, so it will be interesting to see how she responds to a tropical vacation. [I suspect that she'll accept on his terms for the time being.]

You should probably stop reading the "how to win her back" books, as I think your GAD will get worse, trust me I have been there myself.

Anyone who has read my posts will notice that I have been rather ambivalent (at best) about accepting all the advice I receive at face value. Some of the "old-timers" here don't try to hide their disdain that I still "don't get it". But, as you mentioned, there are many other strategies, philosophies, and perspectives with the same goal of reconciling wrecked marriages. Some of these are more in line with my Christian roots, and therefore have radically different values and assumptions about the significance and purpose of marriage than those provided on DB.com.

Understand, I very much appreciate the sincere, direct, well-meaning words these good folks have shared with me. I'm certain that much of their advice is dead-on accurate (at least for most situations). Still, I do wonder how many veterans of the message boards (not necessarily those who respond directly to me, by the way) are still divorced? Or are separated, but now dating someone other than their spouses?

Maybe, if many months pass and I find myself still "unhappily unmarried", I will become more open-minded (less skeptical) about accepting anything I'm told, no matter how counter-intuitive. Until then, I'm too inexperienced/stubborn to rule out other reputable resources--including the Holy Bible! [Oh well, there goes any semblance of "intelligence" or "rational thought" I might have earned in some people's minds.]