Ouch! Thought I was so much stronger!

[Hurtin4certain]

Jar... great advice. As always, much appreciated.

On another note, I have a feeling W will be introducing OM to our D tomorrow for thanksgiving. Im a nervous wreck right now as this will be the 1st time she has ever introduced our D to a bf. She has dated other guys before but never introduced them to D. Im so scared that she feels this guy is "the one"

Im hurtin 4 certain.

[SueS]

Hurtin-

I haven't gotten on your thread yet, but I just have a question. Can you ask your W if she intends to introduce D to OM? If you read my thread, you'll see that I have NOT been the queen of confrontation, but if it came to my child....OH YEAH. I hate to think negatively, but the thought has crossed my mind that if my M doesn't work, under no circumstances would I introduce my D or allow my H to introduce her to OP before anything was settled between us. I think that exposing them to that is just wrong. IMO, it causes even more confusion for the child. I would likely wait a REALLY long time after anything "official" happened in my M before ever exposing my child to someone new. Just my opinion.

I'm sorry you're here. You're getting great support.

SueS

[Hurtin4certain]

Thanks Sue... I appreciate your feedback. The only reason I dont ask her is because I dont think it will change anything. My W can be very bullheaded.

I have a feeling tomorrow is going to be extremely rough for me. This is the 1st time we wont be spending Thanksgiving together. Even though we've been separated for almost 2 years, we always had Thanksgiving together. Thats why Im thinking that she thinks OM is "the one" for her.

How does everyone remain sane when their kids are introduced to OP? I have this fear my daughter will love the guy and that will validate my wifes feeling for him.

[Larrynarry]

Your D is old enough that that probably won't happen.

I'm in the same boat. I've been separated for coming up on 3 months (only that long?? Seems WAAAAY longer)and W was very quick to include OM. Now.. they had the nicety of having kids that are in class together, so that made it that much easier.

But yeah.. they spend the night at each others house.. they go to his kids Karate lessons... just a happy little dysfunctional unit.

So I definitely feel like I'm being replaced.

What the fine folks here (and my D's for that matter) have taught me to remember though is that I am their father. She nor He can never.. NEVER EVER change that or take that away.

That's what you need to remember. You are her father and will be for life. You only get one.. and you're it.

Hope that helps.

[SueS]

Hurtin-

I understand the bullheaded part, trust me. What are you doing tomorrow? Although I hate leaving my H here alone, we have spent Thanksgiving apart before, so this is not new to us. H usually has to work the day after and I don't, so it's not unusual for me to go to my parents (5 hrs. away) and him stay home. He sees it as just another day, cooks himself a meal, watches football and lays around the house.

Your question about how people remain sane is one I'd like to know too. My daughter has met OW, but that's just because my H used to work with OW and the three of us (me, H & D3) spent time with her, her H and her 4 kids.

SueS

[SueS]

Jar-

Nice comment on the fact that ONLY YOU are her father. That's the one thing I've always thought is no matter how this turns out, ONLY I am her mom and ONLY H is her father. As long as you're active in their lives, they WILL NOT forget this.

SueS

[Hurtin4certain]

Jar...thanks for the pep talk. That makes me feel a little bit better. I think Im struggling with control issues. I want to control my wife and not let her see OM (or make her realize that Im here and ready to fully commit to making our M work). I know that the only person I can control is myself but my mind keeps reverting back to trying to control her.

Sue...I plan on spending the day with my parents and my brother and his family. My brother recently ended an affair he was having and he and his wife are making strides to improve their marriage. So I know that couples do get back together after the affair dies. I think Im just terrified that she's having an affair that wont die.

[mhuschka]

Hi Hurtin. I'm new here and probably and in no palce to be giving anyone advice, but i was reading your thread and noticed that when she left before, she came back once you GAL. Our situations are very different and I can only relate in the fact that I'm here trying to save my marriage, but as hard as it is, especially around the holidays, that may be the one thing that makes her look back and realize that you've always been "the one".

A guess at crazy alien behavior. She knows you want her back, she knows you are hurting, yet she is rubbing your face in it. Do you think that's how she felt once you started dating? I'm sure you didn't treat her like she is doing to you, but it probably made her jealous, like you didn't need her. Which was confirmed by the lack of interest in MC. Maybe she's trying to do that to you. My guess is he's not so much "Mr. Right" as he is "Mr. Right Now".

Good Luck. Keep posting even if noone responds... at least you are getting out the feelings somewhere!!

melissa.

[Hurtin4certain]

Hi Melissa... appreciate your comments. I certainly hope he is only Mr. Right Now. Ive been here before and I know how the process works but its never easy.

Im going to continue to detach, get in the gym and stay busy at work. In addition, IM going to focus on my little girl, she truly is a godsend. If it wasnt for her, I have no idea where I'd be at this point in my life.

Melissa...what part of California do you live in?

[Hurtin4certain]

Happy Thanksgiving all!

Ive been a mess all morning. Extremely nervous with a knot in my stomach. My W is having OM over for Thanksgiving at her house and my D will be there to meet him. OUCH! This will be the very first Thanksgiving I'll be having without W and D. During out last 2 years of separation she still always came over for Thanksgiving to celebrate as a "family".

Im so scared folks that Im losing her.