OUR SITCH.....pray for us

[Lkyguy]

. thanks brit...I need to stop feeding the fear monster
let her go with love & move on...& I do that much of the time
but there is always weak moments....I feel like i should stop manipulating her by creating "mystery" & just be friends.
my dad told me I should treat her like she is treating me...as a friend & no more untill she finds what she is looking for.

[Lkyguy]

What a night........... WAW & I talked for hours last night like we have NEVER talked before....we bared our souls & she told me of the holy spirit entering her body yesterday & the revelation she had. She went on to see her position in all this.( the whole 20yrs) just as it is...she took responsibility for a whole lot more than I ever thought she could/would. We hugged & cried till wee hours of the AM. I understand so much more today.
She spoke of how she was raised to never let her mother down & to bury all her feelings for fear of disappointing her parents & then everybody else in her life. She couldn't do enough drugs to make it all OK. How she carried that into our relationship. How our relationship never had a chance. Never mind all my stuff that I contributed. And that she has to stand on her own before she could even think of entering a romantic relationship with me or anyone. She started talking through the tears & went on for at least 4 hrs. That wasn't her.....that was GOD speaking through her. You just cant fake that. She didn't hold anything back...all questions were answered as best she could. She realized that she looked to me to fulfil her in a way no human power could have done & when she wasn't getting what she needed, she began to look elsewhere (emotional affair)...Now she has started find what she has always been looking for in GOD. To be fulfilled in a way only HE can do. She went on to say the only way she can come to terms with all this is to separate & be on her own. She feels the same way as I do about being without the kids. Like they are to me ,the kids are her life. There will be no custody battle. I told her that I wont leave my home & children. I'm not sure exactly how the rest will play out. But we love & respect each other like never before.
I don't want to separate but I know she has to come to her own understanding.
This is the most amazing process I've ever been through.

DB rules

[Lkyguy]

What a night........... WAW & I talked for hours last night like we have NEVER talked before....we bared our souls & she told me of the holy spirit entering her body yesterday & the revelation she had. She went on to see her position in all this.( the whole 20yrs) just as it is...she took responsibility for a whole lot more than I ever thought she could/would. We hugged & cried till wee hours of the AM. I understand so much more today.
She spoke of how she was raised to never let her mother down & to bury all her feelings for fear of disappointing her parents & then everybody else in her life. She couldn't do enough drugs to make it all OK. How she carried that into our relationship. How our relationship never had a chance. Never mind all my stuff that I contributed. And that she has to stand on her own before she could even think of entering a romantic relationship with me or anyone. She started talking through the tears & went on for at least 4 hrs. That wasn't her.....that was GOD speaking through her. You just cant fake that. She didn't hold anything back...all questions were answered as best she could. She realized that she looked to me to fulfil her in a way no human power could have done & when she wasn't getting what she needed, she began to look elsewhere (emotional affair)(there was no PA)...Now she has started find what she has always been looking for in GOD. To be fulfilled in a way only HE can do. She went on to say the only way she can come to terms with all this is to separate & be on her own. She feels the same way as I do about being without the kids. Like they are to me ,the kids are her life. There will be no custody battle. I told her that I wont leave my home & children. I'm not sure exactly how the rest will play out. But we love & respect each other like never before.
I don't want to separate but I know she has to come to her own understanding.
This is the most amazing process I've ever been through.

DB rules

[Lkyguy]

well you cant fake what she said but she can reneg.....she seems to be angry & said she took to much ownership in the R problems. I think she is scared & she doesnt want to leave the kids...she wants me to leave, but that isnt going to happen..........stay tuned

[lushmd]

Hang in there lkyguy, there's a reason everyone calls it a rollercoaster. Remain patient, keep DBing, and remember that time is your ally in all of this.

[Lkyguy]

WAW is sure she wants & needs a separation (not sure after that) & feels she cant leave her kids and since IM not going anywhere we must sell the house & buy/rent 2 smaller ones & trade the kids back & forth.(at least This would make child support doable)
sounds a bit permanent to me though. a few weeks ago there was so much positives that I got way to happy about & moved to close to soon.
Just pushed her away & she said she didn’t want to give any false hope. She has NO romantic feelings for me & doesn’t know if she ever could, doesn’t say its impossible but feels like it is:(
I need to get back to what caused those positive changes....being happy, GAL & acting as if. WAW says IM inconsistent that I say what she has done has saved our lives because we were in a dead end mode & not getting better. but much of the tone of what I say reveals the truth that IM hurt & needy (not her words)& that is why she has to leave completely to reevaluate her life. I told her its just not one way or the other...its the roller coaster. Both of those are true and they are. She sees through the acting as if, so i must do better....don’t act like IM getting on with my life I must let her go & get on with my life. IM so afraid....much more than I should be...IM an attractive guy...IM taking care of myself, eat right...I make an OK living...IM a loving & devoted father...I don’t drink/smoke or do ANY drugs. .IM affectionate & there are quality ladies out there who will appreciate me. I keep thinking if I had a new "friend" i would be in a much better place to let her go but I know that isn’t healthy 4 me...id just be treating the symptom & avoiding the problem. Its been 5 weeks & nothing is going to happen till after the holidays so I have another 5 weeks to go.......GOD willing

[Lkyguy]

Yesterday (thanksgiving) was a bit rough because I miss being loved by her so much...she has no family close so the holiday was all with "my people" it was the first time she was around my sisters. My sisters assured her they wanted her there especially for the kids to have some sense of normalcy...she came late & left early...but she came...I was nice to her but kept my distance...she is much more friendly when I’m keeping my distance....I quickly moved my arm from the back of the couch when she sat next to me so as not to have my arm around her...I know she doesn’t want my arm around her any more....at least not now...its easier when I’m around "my people". my horoscope for today is

"You need to make sure that your people are free to roam. It might tug at your heart to see them walk away, but your faith that they'll return is self-fulfilling. Take a deep breath and let them go! "


OMG could that be true?....time will tell

[Lkyguy]

found all my financial records in an envelope in her car tonight ...she is home sick & asked me to get flu meds & gas for her ...I guess she is mounting a case for support.....im shaking inside again.....

[Lkyguy]

WAW says she was getting all kinds of advice from lots of people(she works in a law office but not matrimonial law) about how to "protect herself"...& she was confused & she made the copies of my loans & stuff but never did anything with it....I can usually tell when she is lying because her lips are moving....I mean I DO believe her but I know I shouldn’t...like I DO love her & I wish I didn’t.....she says that all her life she has been codependent...doing anything not to hurt/disappoint anyone & she just cannot interact with me in any other way...she says she just allows herself to be manipulated & doesn’t think we can interact without feeling that way......I asked for an example of how I manipulate her (because if there’s something I need to change I want to be aware) but she says its mostly HER & the way she feels around me...doesn’t happen nearly as much with anyone else...my therapist says she is sober for the first time in her life & is allowing herself to be true to her feelings for the first time & she is obviously confused (she readily admits that) & she doesn’t know who she really is & its going to take time for her to figure all that out...I think her need to separate will only expedite the process ...but she is unwilling to serve me with papers for custodial custody (thank GOD), & is unwilling to leave her kids.... so she feels trapped..........I said to give it time & the answers will come.....I think the less I interact with her the better.........would love some advice....anyone out there?

[Lkyguy]

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