Sun, I read your posting and I feel that you are living the life I had exactly 8 years ago. My xh use to dangle that "I'm leaving card all of the time". In fact, he pulled it on December 2, 1999, telling me that he had thought about leaving at this time, but opted to wait until after Christmas. I thought about his idle threat for 24 hours and came home from work and laid it out to him. This is exactly what I told him, "h, if you are so damn unhappy, I don't think you should wait until after Christmas, I think you should go now". With that, the man sat there and cried his eyes out telling me he didn't know what to do. I looked at him and said, "h, if I were in your shoes, I would be happier than a clam and running to pack my bags, since my spouse had given me all of the blessings to go." He stayed in the home exactly one week and disappeared while I was at work. In essence, I did help him out the door, but his conscience did a good job on him as well. I have to say, for my self, it was the best damn decision I have ever made. He drove me freaking nuts for 7 months living in the home dangling that threat every time something didn't go his way.
Your son is right, it is a control tool he's using and the sooner he finds out that you aren't buying into that game, the sooner he'll learn that you've grown by leaps and bounds. He really needs to leave before the end of December. What's he doing, waiting around for his gifts from the family?
Sun, I do hope that you have a blessed, safe and happy Thanksgiving with your family. I know your h is being very difficult, but I can assure you of this, the moment he leaves, the burden of his crazy making behavior will be lifted. You just don't have any idea just how much stress you are under. I will keep your and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
