Back at DB/new marriage new WAW

[dh4320]

well i feel very down right now

[cliffy]

Sorry you are feeling down. I know you are in a world of sh!t all things considered. Unfortunately I don't have much advice right now. In the time of despair it is time to dig deep and look at any positives you can find and be thankful for. At the very least this will help your mood, at the best you can find some of the answers you seek.

[dh4320]

Well today i agreed to let my wife spend time with the kids at the house with a mutual third party. Our attorneys were negotiating it until 11 PM last night(that will hurt the checkbook a bit) at first my attorney called me and stated her attorney called him and said she wanted to see the kids. At first i said no, but then i thought about it, my first response was to hurt her, then i figured i need to be reasonable it would show that i am not out to get her, and also in the courts eyes as well that i am not out to get her. I was very calm and relaxed she sat in her car, a picked our 2 1/2 year old son up pointed at her and said look its mommy and he waved, she started to cry. The house is cleaner than its ever been, i have removed everything that states my wife lives here(probably not in the DB code) but it feels better when i am there with the kids. Sometimes i feel that I am DBing well, and other times I feel i need to be firm and let her know i am not going to be a whipping boy. My wife is very stubborn and head strong(she is a woman)and always wants her way. I feel good today, we are a long way away from reconciliation, my attorney states that i have to back off from her, i can not show any signs that i want to reconcile because the judge will think i am using the court order as a way to get my wife back??? what do you guys think.

[dh4320]

Well i just came to the office to get some work done while my W is visiting with the kids. Looked at our Amex statement online and her attorney charged 20,000 dollars to our credit card. What is she smoking she cant pay for that, i hired the best attorney in town and he charged me a 5,000 dollar retainer, i really hope she did not authorize that ambulance chaser to do that(if any of you are attorneys sorry for the statement) the third party with her is our friend who is the youth pastor, i told him not to bring up reconciliation but if she talks just listen and see what she has to say. One week from today is our hearing for the court order, and every day that goes by she seems to get more scared of what the outcome will be. Not to say i am not scared but i feel more confident, everyone who knows us has noticed she is not the same since our daughter was born 4 months ago. All these people cant be wrong and they all said they would go to court to testify to that. I am not trying to gang up on her, but if she is going to lie and say i am abusive and she fears for her safety and our childrens i am not going down without a fight, she is flat out lying.... any suggestions???????

[dh4320]

i am posting a lot because i am using this as my journal as well.... my counselor told me to keep a journal and i hate to write so i type instead,, hehe

[dh4320]

Hi all,

Well I got a message from the W saying(if have any decency you will let me see the kids today) i told her fine and our babysitter(who is an adult) would stay there with her she started to ask where things are, in a demanding way, camera and other stuff i told her that all the property would get sorted out in court. She keeps trying to engage in nonproductive talks and i start in then remove myself. How can this woman who says she loves me a month ago hate me so much. I am being told that she is bitter and angry, hurt and sad and she is trying to get me to feel the way she is. She violated the court order again by transfering miles out of our amex account, she keeps making one mistake after another. The youth pastor stated she would cry every time he mentioned my name, he thought she brought up (hope) for us, but he felt she was talking about being friends after all this for the sake of our kids. The only thing she would tell him that she was unhappy with is that im controlling, he said is that really enough to change the lives of 4 people and not work on it she said she gave up a long time ago. She did not look healthy, pale lost weight and looks run down. I hate to see her like this but its her own doing. Any thoughts????

[dh4320]

bump

[dh4320]

well came back to the house and the W took her sweet time leaving, yesterday she left as quick as i got home, today she stalled a bit, asked me questions about her stuff and i kindly answered. She asked if she still had health insurance and i told her she did. I think her guard is dropping a bit, anger is subsiding a bit still not hopeful about R but i think the reality is setting in. She asked if she could take the kids without supervision, i stuck to my guns and said no. I told her she would have to wait until thursday when the judge decided on things. I can tell she misses the house, it is pretty built it my self and very homelike she is staying in a spare bedroom at a fr23ined23s an23d probably feels lost........she seems very down again today, i am feeling chipper not rubbing it in to her, but letting her know that i am not going to let her bring me down.

[dh4320]

i spoke with W's aunt today who read about people who are depressed lets their alter ego take over almost like another personality. This is My W she thinks she is right all the time lately, her decisions are based on another personality i think a lot of us go through this here. In any case i totally cleaned the house last weekend and my W made a comment to her Aunt that it looks like a model home. Her Aunt replied to her he just cleaned the house probably got sick of the mess. The aunt told me she noticed it, whether good or bad she noticed i was sitting around sulking in despair.........

D

[dh4320]

correction i was not sitting around sulking in despair...hehe