new here. Feel like dying

[Dom R]

Hmm.

well, here's the thing.

your husband is an idiot

I think someone has told him, (or he has told himself), that the way to fix his marriage, is to be a "real man", and be all alpha-male blah blah blah.

yet at the same time, he does want a good marriage to you.

I think, that HE really thinks, that "if you respected him and did what he said, you'd have a great marriage".

Ideally, if you could sit down and talk with him, identify where he's coming from on this, and maybe nudge him to something a little more reasonable.. things could go well.

For example: he wants to move to TN, so you dont have to work any more!
To me, that shows that he is actually thinking about you, your marriage, and your family. Trouble is, he's not responding to what's missing, in the best fashion.
He's not being reasonable.

he's somehow gotten the expectation, "the husband needs to make the decisions, and the wife shouldnt argue with him about it".

If there was some way you could approach him with your (quite reasonable) expectations, of you both talking about things, and working out what your marriage should looke like... in a more "feminine" (to his mind) manner.... things might be better, perhaps.

Right now, you are approaching things in what might be called a male fashion. head on, directly confronting.

Seems like if you want to deal with a guy who is trying to be old fashioned guy, you would do well to deal with him in "old fashioned wife" ways. ie: saying "yes dear", but still managing to get him to do what you want

Maybe you need to find an old long-time married 80 year old woman, for some tips on how to go about it

I'm not suggesting this as a long term strategy.. but at least to get him to maybe calm down...and then to reevaluate whereever the heck he's getting his ideas about marriage from,and treating you with more respect.

Even in a traditional, fundamentalist bible-based marriage... a husband should still respect his wife enough to listen to what she has to say.
Doesnt sound like he's doing that.
So even by his standards, he's in the wrong.
You just need to find a gentle way to get him to see that.