You hit the nail right on the head. At this stage for them it's all about "me". I'm not happy, I'm hurting, I'm miserable, I hate this life, I'm angry at you, I'm better off without you. They justify everything to centered around what they decided is good for them. Kids? They will just be fine. Because I am happy and then they will too! It's very irrational but you just have to accept it. It's hard to do but you have to validate how they feel. There is no way in hell you would agree with how they feel but you have to validate. In fact, it may really shock them when you do that instead of arguing and telling her she's wrong to feel that way. Feelings are neither right or wrong. It's just the way they feel and you have no control over that. But letting her know you heard her and accept how she feels (not agreeing, accept), it makes her feel respected by you and in turn can soften her up. I really think that is the magic behind Retrouvaille. Allow feelings to be heard and accepted with no judgement.
M: 31 W: 31 M: 7 T: 8 S:4 D:2 Bomb dropped: too many to count or remember, 12/17/07 last one S on 9/2/07 W sent off D papers 12/31/07. Me trying to live life and hope she returns one day.
