Jak, I could have tried to speak some Spanish, like she said. I wasn't able to get in the spirit of things with the way she was acting. Maybe I was being rebellious and passive-aggressive, because I thought she was being controlling. Was I misinterpreting her motive?
I should have said something, about not wanting to participate. I have this belief that it's not going to make any difference, when she's being disrespectful. Maybe I need to take another look at that. Maybe it's about respecting myself.
In addition to tracking my responses to conflict, I'm supposed to think about why I chose the response I did. In retrospect, it's because I avoid her anger. There also may be a fear of abandonment. I don't trust that she is willing to hang in there with me when things get tough. I don't want to push her away or provoke more anger. I see dealing with her as futile. I view angry people as being out of control, and irrational. Again, I may need to take another look at this. My failure to deal with conflict may be slowing down the Piecing process. Maybe I need to look at anger as something healthy versus irrational, or overly emotional.
The author says that there can be no intimacy in a relationship if the partners are avoiding conflict. I'm going to need to change some patterns. It's going to take practice.
This book is being helpful already.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
