new here. Feel like dying

[mkultra]

Hey again.

I am sorry for this turn of events. Sometimes this type of emotional abuse creeps in so steadily and slowly that it is hard to see. My former pastor explained it like the frog in the pot analogy. If you put a frog in a pot of hot water it will leap out at first touch but if you put a frog into a pot of lukewarm water and then turn up the heat slowly. The frog will --well you know what. Croak.

I also did not see the abuse until after DBing. It was similar story to yours. Depression. Denial. MLC? Stress at work. Home not spotless. My attention was focused also on a kindergartner and a toddler. I also did not meet the ideals of my MIL in H's eyes. Oh yeah, and the weak devoted OW who was much younger and sluttier will always seem more understanding as the spouse is just not understanding. So cliche.

As bad as my H was, well yours sounds like those men Dr. Phil yells at for being too mean and controlling in general. I agree his comments in writing make him also sound bigoted, sexist, and homophobic. Perhaps he thinks leaving CA will make it easier for him to be an abusive racist misogynist. "Do what I say?" Wow.

I applaud you for trying to save your marriage. You chose to marry this man and have children with him so maybe you agree with his views on multiculturalism and homosexuality, education , family, etc. If you are willing to change you may want to check out the CDs by Dr. Ellen on marriage. She speaks about negotiating with husbands. It is a very delicate task as we barely speak the same language. Can you tell by Dom's advice how differently they think and speak?

I apoligize if I do not agree with your H as we are practically neighbors and I understand not everyone appreciates these wonderful aspects of CA. So I do not mean to offend. But I am a product of multiculturalism as are my children who are also mixed race and you will never meet more beautiful kids, I mean so cute! Also my god daughter is gay so I love her enormously and when she was 4, she actually wore a tux to our wedding! So yeah, some people are just born that way and deserve love and respect in their lives. Soap box over.

Take care. We both deserve better. So keep DBing!