When he left I didn't make a move to kiss or hug him and said have a good night.
This does not sound like divorced people to me. You ARE divorce, right? Divorced people do not kiss and hug and sleep together, so stop feeling guilty about it. I want you to get this through your sweet head. He does not deserve nor is he entitled to any affection from you. He gave up all those rights when he divorced you. It is way past time to start acting like an exwife to him! Perhaps you will consider putting that in your letter to him, that you plan to start conducting this relationship as a divorce couple and there will be no more special privledges.
You never answered my question about his daughter. Does she live with him? Surely you are not keeping her also. I know that if the kids are close that it will be difficult on them, but that is part of what divorce is all about. He should take responsibility for his own kid(s) and you should not have to entertain them and their friends. Your lawyer can help you come up with some fair schedule for visitation.
I hope you will start setting some small goals for yourself each day. For an example, set a goal to get through the day without any messages to him or returning any for one whole day. If he calls and wants to know why you have returned his text messages, just tell him that you have been too busy. You don't owe him anything.....please, please get that through your head. You are way, way too nice to him! Just b/c you are having his baby does not give him any special rights in your personal life. You don't have to talk to him on the phone or computer.....nothing. So, try to get through just one day. Then set a goal for the next day. Maybe the same one, maybe a different one.....like not checking to see if there has been any contact with OW, etc. Sweetie, you cannot be free of them until you stop obsessing with them. Who cares what they do, how often, where, or how? They are just ruining each other, but they are not taking you down with them b/c you wised up in time.
You are going to be so proud and feel so much better when you reach the first couple of goals. Just baby step you way through this. I am the type of person that wants to tackle the whole mountain at once and then get discouraged. I am having to learn to take baby steps. I think you have the type personality that you will have to prove to yourself that you can do this. You can! Make up your mind that they are not going to determine your happiness any longer. You are going to be in charge of your happiness from this point on. You will not depend on your exhusband or anyother man to make you happy again, you will make yourself happy. That is not to say you couldn't be happy with another man.....lol. But, I know you aren't ready for that now.
While you are making little daily goals.....baby steps, I hope you will do as I suggested before and do some things for yourself to lift your spirits and self-esteem. Most of all, eat healthy and take excercise while you are pregnant. Keep yourself looking good, that is the best morale booster.
I don't know anyone else that I have wanted to help quite as badly as I want to help you. I hope you know that everything I say is with great concern for you.....even though I don't know you. I don't want to see you taken advantage of any longer. When you see that you are much too valuable to be treated the way you have been by this man, you will have the strength to make it through anything where he is concerned.
You are a good person and a good mother. There is somebody out there that is waiting for you, sweetie. Somebody that will be good to you and love you and treat you the way you deserve to be treated.....like a cherished queen. So, go prepare yourself.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
