I hear u brotha. It will get better. At least that's what everyone keeps telling me. Move on! You deserve so much better! You'll find someone! We've all heard it. But, they don't know or feel what we do in our hearts. I had that! I married that. I met my soul mate. All we can do at this point is live by the mantra. "Everything happens for a reason". God does have a plan for all of us. Hopefully, it's not for my S2BX to keep on torturing me
I think there are many of us here that could have, or already have, written that exact post. The person I always counted on to share my joy and sorrow with is now the cause of that sorrow, so I have no one to share it with. It's hard. I live it every day. You're not alone out here. Keep your head up, do what's best for you and hopefully our wives will find their way back to our hearts.
Me:46 Her:40 Daughter:7 She Dropped Bomb:10/7/07 She Filed Papers w/State:10/30/07 I Left Home:11/11/07 I Moved Back In:11/13/07 My Outlook: I want nothing more than a future together and will do whatever it takes. Her Outlook: Been too long coming, I'm done.
It's just so strange how fast everything changed. It's like she made this decision to tell me she doesn't think she loves me anymore and then, proof, turned into a different person. It's like my wife left me and took my bestfriend with her.
Maybe she is relieved that she doesn't have to act a certain way anymore. Looking back I should have seen some signs, but she seems like a different person. I'm sure some of it is tainted by my perceptions, but.......
woog, i know what you mean about the best friend. it has been the hardest to deal with for me to. she said that is how she was able to deal with the problem that is the crux for wanting out. in the beginning i told her being best friends is more than most people have in a marriage. you can build on being best friends. she would not hear it . i can feel your sadness, i am so sorry. it hurts.i am constantly amazed how the waw pattern seems to progress . everyone is going through the same thing. my wife is a stranger in our house. all we can do is pray, and db , and be there best friend. take care of you.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
She didn't change overnight, but was unhappy inside and probally acting on the outside. So in reality it seems to you like she has changed, but inside of her nothing has changed overnight. I know this probally doesn't help. We do all know how you feel about the loss of your best friend. It is the worst feeling I know I felt like I could share everything with my W and she would understand. It is terrible not having our best friend at a time when we need them the most. There is no easy way to get through this it takes time a LOT of time. Someone told me this "To be pure gold you must go directly though the fire" You cant jump over the fire or go around it you must go directly through it. Well right now I am sure we all feel like we are going directly through the fire, but if that is what it takes then that is what we have to do.
Me - 34 W - 33 S - 5 D - 4 M - 14 years Bomb 1 Dec 06 Bomb 2 Aug 07 Separated - Aug 07 WAW Renting own place - Dec 07
sm, i agree with you , not only do the was have there journey, but all of us do to. that is part of the process. i think we all need to know that WAS is not , no matter what they do and say, are not having a grand ole time. they are hurting as much or more than we are. the problem they for the most part do not have the resources we have. that is why we need to show compassion and be their friend, no matter how much it hurts.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
I know your right. That is, intellectually I know you are right. I also know that while she says that it is her and not me it is not true.
I've given her everything I thought she needed ( new car, big house, boat) but not what she wanted. I know I can get back to being the person she fell in love with. All I need is the chance.
You've got the chance. As a matter of fact you get a new chance every single day. Start getting back to the person that she fell in love with. Make a little bit of progress today, and more with each following day. Sure, you'll have the steps backwards, but don't think that you DO NOT HAVE A CHANCE, because you do. Don't blow the chance by sitting back and pining away at what you have lost. Pull youself up by the bootstraps and start making the most of each daily chance that you have.
As for best friend... find a new one. Perhaps one that won't let you down. The only one I know that fits that bill is the man upstairs. Second in line would be yourself.
Given that she hasn't moved out and hasn't asked me to either I know I have that chance.
It's funny, I feel better about myself than I have in quite a while. I know I can survive on my own. I'm sure I can be happy (even through certain days it will be harder). I just wish it hadn't taken this to wake me up.
Cool... sieze the day! Quit looking back and start looking forward. That is the toughest thing to do at the beginning, but once you start/quit, things will get better for YOU.
