Same sentiment here... Sorry to see that you are having to move to this forum. For me, the transition to the eventual separation was a set of baby steps that actually gave me an empowered position that I had not had, or realized I could achieve, during my 7 months of DB'ing. When I first realized that I 'probably' needed to separate I took a few baby 'steps', I opened a new bank account and a PO Box. A month went by with half-hearted looking for a suitable apartment, but in the back of my mind I was afraid to take that next 'step'. After a particularly bad incident (OM related) I woke up the next morning hell bent on forcing myself to do something. I shifted focus and narrowed my search down to a couple of possible places. The following day I scribbled my name on the lease and wrote the checks. Two more 'steps', and I was getting bolder with each. Over the next week and a half I moved my stuff (step #5), had a talk with the kids (step #6), and finally moved the required furniture (step #7). Once I took those steps the balance of power was restored as I felt most definitely in control of myself. The pressure between the two of us came off immediately. Since that time (little less than two months) my PMA has soared and day-by-day I am becoming at peace with whatever might come.
I guess what I'm saying to you is that a SEP can be a positive. It could be the "Shock and Awe" 180 that SG talks about in the other post. By virtue of having to take the physical steps required in order to pull off the SEP you can be forced to take some (probably) much needed steps in a new direction. It doesn't have to be the end, just a new chapter.
Don't be scared to take some steps, and don't use financial stuff as a crutch if you truly feel the steps will help. For me, doing the SEP makes the money tight, but I finally feel in control and I'm doing better everyday.
