Jak, Matilda, and Treading, My self-help book on dealing with conflict wants me to track how I typically respond to conflict. Last night my W and I went to dinner at a Mexican restaurant. She again made a comment to a waiter that she couldn't believe that I had some Hispanic heritage, and couldn't speak Spanish. I decided to ask her why she feels the need to make this comment.
She got upset and insisted I that begin to converse in Spanish during the meal, to prove to her otherwise. I don't have the skill level to converse in Spanish at this time, other than some simple phrases. I felt trapped. I told her that I didn't think I could do this, but she persisted. She said that it would be nice if we learned Spanish together.
I kept silent about the issue the rest of the meal, hoping it would go away, but it didn't. She persisted. I would say that I avoided the conflict. I froze. My perception is that when she gets like this, there is nothing I can do.
When we got home, she blamed me for ruining her meal. I made the decision to not process the episode, and certainly wasn't going to apologize. I slept in the guest room. I could hear her cussing at me in the other room.
I don't think there is anything to gain by discussing the event today, because she'll put the focus on me, and I'm not going to apologize for the dinner. I will try to start with a new day, and chalk it up to two tired people, where the dinner didn't go well.
I'm hoping this book will be helpful. I feel like it's the right skill to be working on at this time.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
