All hope is lost/help

[Evie]

H isn't contacting me at all now. He called me last night right after I had texted him to tell him that S2 was sent home from nursery. Chat was formal and ok, he finished it first.

We are xmas shopping together tonight, it seems surreal. This will be the first time we have spent time together for more than 1/2 - 1 hr since we split.

Feeling a bit sad the last couple of days, not really sure why.

My rambling thoughts are:

I was thinking about how the household has not really changed since H left, not in terms of tidiness (although it is), but more in terms of how 'busy' the house is. Its always noisy, the boys although typical boys seem to be hyper and fight a lot. They provoke one another, normal I know. Music from every room, tv's on in the remainder, phone ringing with business calls. I feel as if I need a parenting skills class to learn how to control everyone and keep the peace....I 'm finding it really stressful. H has not supported me on this ever because he wasn't there because of work and when he was there he never interacted with us as a family.

H used to complain that there was no space, (emotional space becuase the house is large enough). I'm tired in the evening as is everyone, but when i go to friends houses in comparision their homes are quiet, tranquil and tidy.....a place to come home to in the evening and relax.

D1 leaves next week for 6 months abroad. I have a busy December decoarting the bedrooms. Once the 3 children have their own spaces to go to i'm hoping this will make things a lot calmer?