22 years and no communication

[Goingdownhill]

Hi RedHead - Well I think tonight he realized I'm trying to find answers. He found me reading the DB book and I carefully placed it back in my nightstand. He opened the drawer read the title and get this "laughed". That was within an hour after he launched into me about a bowl of ice cream for our daughter the night before. He said he was right that she shouldn't have had it before going to tumbling. I let her have it.

I know I shouldn't be hurt by his laughter. I was just suprised of his reaction after all we've been through. I responded by saying I'm just trying to find some solutions and answers. I didn't offer the book to him or anything but he knows it is there now. He's seen me on this website too. I've been very low key about it.

I know I was supposed to sit down with him and tell him what I want. But I'm scared really. I know he'll just launch into me about all the things wrong with me. I don't think I can take that right now.

I'm also confused about the showing him I love him vs. the 180. The 180 is the stop nagging, etc. Also distancing yourself. I read on these posts don't give gifts, etc. or tell them you love them. Don't engage in battles. We are still intimate so I'm finding it hard not to tell him I love him even though I hear it rarely. So I think my confusion might need to be supplemented by counseling even if it with Michelle's counselors.

What do you know about the struggle between the disconnecting or 180-ing versus being the nicest you can be. I don't want to be a pushover either.