The person you remember is not a whole person capable of being in a healthy R. So, one might thing you want neither the person he was then or the person he is now.
This is about YOU and your fears. It isn't about some magical thing that only STBX can give you. He didn't give you real authentic love of a healthy sort, nor can he.
You aren't losing something you never had. You realize what you want and hate to acknowledge that you never had it. Much better is in store for you. No need to hold onto a ghost of what never was.
