Here's something for you to consider, too, about TN. If you moved there and then ended up getting divorced, what are the divorce laws there like? You might end up getting substantially less than you would in a community property state like CA. I don't know that for a fact, maybe TN would be better, but many states are worse.
Have you considered hiring a housekeeper? Having someone come clean once a week can go a long way towards calming an OCD clean-freak (voice of experience here).
Still, your H sounds beyond OCD and well into abusive.
BTW - is he having any disciplinary problems at work? Is the move to TN business being triggered by some impending failure at work?
