I've got a wife and 2 beautiful girls and they are the ONLY reason that I can come up with to battle my cancer. That SCARES the hell out of me ! I'm not doing it for me ! It scares me to think that if they were not apart of my life...I WOULD not fight this ! I would see this as a somewhat dignified way to finally escape the emotional pain that I feel.
.......Without her and the girls, this would probably kill me...and I would let it.
IC, I'm calling you out on this ! This is complete and utter bullsh!t and you know it ! Putting the cancer aside, you talk of this pain from your past that you're trying to escape. That pain is REAL, I'm not discounting that..but the IC I met and fell in love with...STILL had this pain, but yet you still had this amazing zest for life..before me, before the girls and now all of the sudden WE'RE the only reason you don't lay down and let cancer kill you ??? Bullsh!t IC, BULLSH!T!!!
You want to talk hockey..lets talk hockey {As Miss IC rolls up her sleeves} You talk about cancer bearing down on you.."attacking" you, "is it going to bowl me over?".....OMG !!! Bear with me folks, I might be wrong on this but..yes!..yes!..yes!, please do answer Corri's question about when you get knocked on your ass - What do you do? And while you're thinking of that, I've got a few more for ya along with how I feel about them and why.
1. What do you do when you get knocked on your ass in hockey? My answer...you get up, pissed at yourself for whatever reason and you channel that anger into DETERMINATION, you come back and take your buddy, or that promising 17 or 18 year old player to school on the next play. You don't see or hear it IC..I do, I see it when they come back to the bench after a shift against you..I hear it from their parents sitting next to me in the stands. They're there to beat YOU, not your team, not your goalie..they're there to beat YOU. You're their measuring stick to where they are at in their game. I didn't see you in your "heyday" but to me, this speaks volumes about the kind of player you ARE..NOW! They all admire you for that..why do you think that is so?
2. IC, what did you do when you were pissed off, angry and hurt about what had become of our marriage? My answer...you channeled that anger into DETERMINATION to change things, to change you into what you are, to make our marriage as good as you can possibly make it. Why do you think I admire you so much?
3. What did you do when your sister called last week about your nephew's deer? My answer...you were angry, but again you channeled that anger into DETERMINATION to go over there, take your nephew by the ear and make him do what you felt was right. Why do you think he admires you so much?
4. What were you feeling when the doctor's working on your knee, told you that you need to slow down, that your knee might not come back as strong as you'd like? My answer...I saw it in your eyes IC..I saw it right then and there...in YOUR eyes..that you have a DETERMINATION to prove that doctor wrong and that is why you're pushing yourself so hard in this rehab. That doctor is going to admire you WHEN you prove him wrong..why do you think that he will?
IC, you don't know how to lash out in anger do you? Your whole life, the stories you've told me, the times we've had...you DON"T know how to lash out in anger. It's not a character flaw, it's just that I see it as you channel your anger into a DETERMINATION to take the kid to school on the next play, to right the wrong in your marriage, to teach the nephew a lesson, to prove the doctor wrong...only with this cancer, you can't find anything to channel that anger towards...can you? And that is what I feel scares the hell out of you, why you feel lost, confused...am I getting close?
I know you too well and I think I'm getting warmer on this aren't I? Next question is what do we do about it? I'm not sure I can answer this for you...you've got homework to do my boy. I'll always be here for you and you're not going to scare me away..ok !
