I'm sorry you are in this spot. Unfortunately, it sounds like you are at ground zero.
Rule #1.. Believe half of what you see and none of what you hear. They are in a different world.
Sounds like there was a little back and forth.. sounds like (not trying to be harsh) you had a window and it's closed for the moment.
I don't believe all hope is lost.. just an uphill battle for you.
Please.. Please take my advice on this.. get on the Prozac. If you feel comfortable enough, let folks at work know you are going throug some family issues. How much you divulge is up to you. Trust me.. I've almost gotten fired and that's after I let a few "select" people know at work. I finally had to make more folks aware so I wouldn't get fired.
You will find that EVERYONE will stand by you. It's amazing.. 1. It's ugly and nobody wants to hear/deal with it. 2. They are not going to hammer someone going through this
Do the AD's. I HATED the AD's, but I had to do it. Now that I'm a little farther along, I feel much better and have gotten off the AD's. You'll know it when you get there.
POST... POST... POST... POST.. READ... POST... READ... POST
This has become more of a circle of friends and a "support group" more than anything. Read up on other folks sitchs (I appreciate you reading and posting on mine!!) and respond.
You'll be amazed at how many people are in the same boat.. BTDT (been there done that) and can smack you with a dose of reality.
You are in the right place!!
Have you gotten and read DR? Would be a good start.
My email addr is in my profile.. feel free to blow up my email if need be!!
Jar...thanks so much for the post. I hate to turn to meds to help me through this (macho pride). Anyways, Im trying to teach myself a new way of life and if meds help, then so be it.
I am truly amazed at the compassion everyone on this board has for each other. I've been on this website for quite some time, just never posted, there are some truly incredible people here. The work neccesary to save a marriage is certainly grueling but I know that we will all be better for it regardless.
Jar - you still hitting the weights?
Hurtin: 32 WAW: 30 D: 8 Bomb: 10/05 Sep: 12/05 Back together 8/07 Bomb (OM): 11/07 Filed for D (me): 12/07
I'm with you on the macho pride. I have still yet to break down and get the OTC sleeping pills.
You can get off the meds in due time. I did. Just be careful. In the meantime.. you are going through stuff the body and mind aren't really meant to go through.
Another word of advice.. not sure if you drink, but if you do.. be VERY careful with Prozac (or any AD) and alcohol!!
These folks are awesome.. it's sad we are all here.. and there are awesome folks ALL over the boards. I spent a good month in "Newcomers" before I came here. Not sure I could leave (OK.. is that sick?)
Yeah.. these are the early stages and it's hard. Lots of homework to do. Focus on yourself.. focus on your D!! Especially with the holidays!!
I'm still hitting the weights.. please don't ask what I bench.. I may be a jarhead and all, but I'm tall and lanky!!
Taking the week off for Thanksgiving (plus I've been run down) and I'll start again hard core on Monday. Will start running on hardball (pavement) as well. It's funny how quickly the metabolism changes with age!!
Yeah... I'll have a beer or two once a week but I don't like to get outta control with the alcohol. I just got back in the gym after a month layoff, love to hit it hard and heavy. Really helps with burning off stress and plus when I walk out of the gym and see myself in the mirror next to the door, I feel like superman.
Then I get in my car and start to think about my W, man I miss that girl!
Hurtin: 32 WAW: 30 D: 8 Bomb: 10/05 Sep: 12/05 Back together 8/07 Bomb (OM): 11/07 Filed for D (me): 12/07
I'm sure someone will weigh in.. it's close to Turkey day, so I'm sure folks are off or busy.
I had read someone that was in the anniversary scenario give their spouse a card that basically said "Even though we are not together now, those X years meant alot to me. It gave us our S/D and I will always be thankful for that"
etc.. etc..
That's probably what I will do.. Now.. I made the mistake of getting my W a card on Sweetest day (DUMB.. DUMB move) and it was a kick in the face.
I guess my suggestion would be this.. Do what you feel comfortable doing (acknowledge, don't acknowledge) but under NO circumstances have any expectations.
I guess what I'm saying is.. say/do what makes YOU feel good about the sitch and what makes YOU feel good only.
Rule #2... Expect Nothing and you won't be dissapointed when that's what you get. Plan for the worse hope for the best sort of thing.
MOST IMPORTANT (So I will repeat): Whatever you do have zero expectations for what your spouse may or may not do.
FYI: My W dropped the bomb on me just a couple of weeks before our 16th anniversary. I got her a card that said what I wanted it to without saying too much (that is now the hardest thing to find when it comes to greeting cards for the WAS.) I then added a few poignant sentiments to make it more personal. And I gave it to her realizing that she was not likely to reciprocate. It still hurt when that turned out to be the case (all she could say to me was, "Why now? It's too late!"), but because I was already mentally prepared for that, I outwardly took it in stride.
