new here. Feel like dying

[ms ladybug]

OK. More.
H just called me at work to talk about our son's ENT appt today. Then, after all that talk, he tells me that he thinks he's been coming over too much, and that I haven't been changing!

So, I gave it to him straight. I told him that I can't be the only one making changes with him standing over my shoulders asking "Have you changed? Have you changed?" I told him that he too needs to be working on making changes in himself and taking some responsibility. I told him that I too have my "conditions" for him, and I CAN'T fix this marriage ALONE. I told him he needs to agree to counseling, AND anger management. He's done NOTHING but pester me about making changes and agreeing to HIS conditions! He says he's not going to do anything unless I've agreed to his NON-NEGOTIABLE conditions.

As much as it pains me, I can't live like this. Last night showed me that I'm never going to be able to live up to his expectations (I've been trying so hard to keep the house clean, I neglected the car). Not only do I not live up to his expectations, but I'm criticized, name-called, and humiliated for it daily. I can't live like this. Life's too short. My kids can't see that this is OK.

Adding to this an OW, who he admits is giving him what I haven't, and justifies it that way...I'm beyond hurt.

I don't deserve this.