Long and bumpy road

[Startingover2]

Very interesting point. Tonight I will try and rewrite some of the letter to be stronger. You are right, I do feel incredibly beaten down. Like I never have before and I am supposed to be growing a healthy child and feel like I am on the edge of a breakdown.

He was just here all of about 5 minutes. His daughter borrowed my daughters phone charger. I was pleasant and sweet to her, but it took everything I had not to just slap him across the face. I tried to act 'as if' but I think he sensed something was up. Conversation was akward at best and very casual. When he left I didn't make a move to kiss or hug him and said have a good night. I know his kids were going to friends homes and he will be alone and I couldn't get him out of here fast enough. It was like the pain was stabbing, but at the same time looking at him made me sick knowing the double life he is leading.

As I start preparing for Thanksgiving today I kept telling myself I am doing this for my and his kids and for his family whom I love. I was doing it to please him, but no longer.

Oh BTW, OW must have changed her cel provider to the same as his so I will not be able to detect text messages as easy between them until the detailed bill comes once a month. I was bummed at first, but its probably for the best. I must have logged on to his account 50 times a day. Became obcessive. Maybe this will help me detach a bit.

UPDATE as I was typing this...he just sent a text. "sorry for not being sociable just now. I have had a long 2days and I am tired." Oh poor baby...what juggling two women must be exhausting. Pathetic bastard...

You guys are wonderful. You know I haven't told any of my friends here. I can't. They have no clue or understanding. You all give me great solid advice, mixed in with a casual 2 x 4, and support me as well. I thank you so much.