I didn't stop writing completely. I would reply to other posts but there just wasn't anything to say about my own. It has just been at a stand-still. I have been very depressed and the doctor has put me on Zoloft. I can't tell any difference at all yet. I am a little afraid b/c I am beginning to feel like I did before when I met the OM on the internet. I am beginning to doubt my love for my H b/c I can't feel anything. I know I love him, but you know the rest of that statement about not feeling in love. I also know everything that has been said about doing the actions and then the feelings will come. That was what I was trying to do during the time you were referring to. I tried to throw myself into church work more, but then I had to resign some of the jobs b/c of my health. This weekend is going to be so hard for me b/c I have to decorate the church plus help prepare Thanksgiving dinner. I am not up to it. I missed church Sunday and work yesterday. I am just so down, I want to cry whenever I think about everything I have to do. Hopefully, I will pull out of it in time.
Thanks for being my friend. I need all I can get right now. I don't feel like I have any friends in real life. I have my family, which I am very thankful for, but haven't been very close to this past year, except for my mother. I have the church, but not really any friends there. You know, you have the people you work with....but they aren't your friends, and then the people you go to church with, but they aren't your friends.....so, I just don't have any. And, of course, you know about my H and me.....so I just feel alone right now. That is when a woman is very vulnerable. I just pray I can start feeling better so I can work hard. When I am able to do that, most of the time, these feelings go away, but when I can't....then they get worse.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
