In my opinion, he puts WAY too much emphasis on sex. I know I can be a bit too reserved in that area, but at times I can break out of my shell, so he gets hung up on those certain times and expects it to then become routine.
Zuzu, I have some questions to ask in the hopes of getting a clearer idea of your situation. In what way do you perceive him as putting too much emphasis on sex?
Wants sex too often? If so, how often?
Talks about sex too often? If so, how often?
Complains about sex too often? How often?
Does every issue (non sexual) you (Zuzu) may be having tend to end up with "sex" (as in "yeah, well you don't ____ sexually) as his response?
Quote:
He TRULY DOES NOT get that I don't feel as "into it" when we've been fighting.
From what you have described on the forums, you guys seem to fight a lot. Would you say that's true? Do the two of you have heated words every day? Several times a week?
What are the two of you fighting/arguing about? Can you give us a list of the things you fight/argue about? What are the major issues?
Quote:
He claims it's [censored] not about love, and references one-night-stands I had in high school/college before him.
In long term relationships, for many people (not all) it IS about love and not f*cking. For him it can be primarily about the sexual act/s and for you it can be primarily about the emotion.
People have different "makeups" - not only delineated by HD and LD. There are HD people who translate that drive into lounging in bed all day titillating each other for hours, trying out a half-dozen positions, playing with different orifices, and making an all-out effort to please each other. And there are also HD people who think foreplay is a waste of time, don't give a flip whether or not their partner has an orgasm, who won't reciprocate oral or who find anything other than PIV unacceptable.
For some folks there something transcendental that occurs - they end up having a kind of spiritual experience. Others have an incredible physical release and at best might get a warm glow afterwards, but there is nothing transcendental about it.
That is a long winded way of saying, different people get different things from sex. And an individual can get different things from sex at different times.
There just isn't a one-size fits all "sex is all about ____".
How do you feel when he brings up the one night stands thing? And how do you actually respond?
Perhaps you have talked to him about this, or perhaps you haven't thought of it this way, but:
A person can have a one night stand for a variety of reasons. Drunkenness, horniness, neediness, rebellion, experimentation, etc. In general, there isn't any emotional connection other than the person at the time makes you feel studly/beautiful, desirable, interesting, important, special, intelligent, yadda yadda. And in general they have not ripped into you verbally, treated you like a loser, emotionally hurt you in a dozen different ways, acted as if you were stupid, ignored you, talked as if you owed them something that they were entitled to - you get the idea.
Sure, you might not have any emotional investment in a one-night stand, BUT you also don't have any emotional bruises from them either. So, one night stands by their very nature last so briefly that neither of you have had a chance to enact hurt on the other.
Well, LTRs aren't like that. LTRs drag a lot of emotional baggage along with them. Some good, some bad. If there's enough good and both parties are choosing to acknowledge the good stuff - then the baggage can be light and more easily dealt with.
If there's enough bad - say for ex. a spouse came home announcing that they just got a promotion and a raise and instead of heartfelt congratulations he/she gets ripped for forgetting to pick up the milk - that's bad juju that will likely soon show up in the bed - especially if it is an indication of an ongoing pattern.
Quote:
I only orgasm from direct stimulation, not from just regular intercourse. He is on anti-d. meds that have caused him to have a more difficult time coming.
So are you being directly stimulated or are the two of you engaging primarily (only?) in intercourse vaginally or anally?
Quote:
Once after a few days of tension, an argument began shortly after he got home from work and from out of nowhere, he asked, in a disgusted voice, "When's the last time you came when we were [censored]?"
What caused the "few days of tension"? What argument started? Who started it and what was it about?
In regards to the "when's the last time" question - are the two of you trying to bring you to orgasm or is the sex geared only toward him? And if so, is that your choice (wanting to get it over as quickly as possible?) or is it his choice (expecting you to come from intercourse along?)?
If you can take the time to spell out details, I bet the folks here can put their heads together and come up with ideas, different views, suggested responses, possible actions you can take.
So, can you stand wading through the list o' requests above and respond? ;
