This discussion of the bad boy is interesting. The bad boy isn't really "bad" in the sense of being abusive, criminal, destructive, mean... but he is definitely the opposite of the Nice Guy. The NG acts from insecurity and fear and the Bad Boy from self-assurance and strength BUT he doesn't run roughshod over you either.
I'm thinking of Rhett Butler Clark Gable) in Gone with the Wind. He was a gun runner, a gambler, but also a man of great honor, who was besotted with his daughter... one of the greatest scenes in movie history is when this strong, powerful man's man weeps after his daughter is killed in a riding accident. This vulnerability under the external strength is very appealing. Naturally, he loves the wrong woman, but he has a great line when he tells Scarlett, "You need to be made love to. Often. By a man who knows how."
Well, that's the romanticized image of the bad boy. Any woman would be attracted to that. In real life, the bad boy is simply that - bad, a jerk. He may be great in bed, but...a PITA in real life.
I believe that he did not appreciate the fact that monkey-girl was more turned on by the fact that he was once a member of one of the West Side story gangs then by his more gentle pursuits. He was experienced enough to throw it out there but not empathetic enough to respect me when it worked. That is why I am trying to be empathetic about the fact that men get turned on by T&A and bunny stuff, I'm not saying that any of it is a reason to choose a life partner but it is what "works" sexually and it is lame on many levels to think/act otherwise.
i think you misunderstood him. he was possibly trying to "share". he didnt want it to turn you on. but you got turned on by a part of him, that he wasnt proud of, and you wanted more of that.
Seems like you have a bad boy fetish, i guess. Seems like you are letting what excites you sexually, rule your relationships.
It also seems like you are not in tune with another point of human sexuality: What turns people on, can change over time. Either unconciously, or as part of a planned effort.
It's just like taste in food. Some things are an "aquired taste". If peoples tastes never chagned, then things with an "aquired taste", that are initially not enjoyable, would never be eaten.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
This discussion of the bad boy is interesting. The bad boy isn't really "bad" in the sense of being abusive, criminal, destructive, mean... but he is definitely the opposite of the Nice Guy. The NG acts from insecurity and fear and the Bad Boy from self-assurance and strength BUT he doesn't run roughshod over you either.
I'm thinking of Rhett Butler Clark Gable) in Gone with the Wind. He was a gun runner, a gambler, but also a man of great honor, who was besotted with his daughter... one of the greatest scenes in movie history is when this strong, powerful man's man weeps after his daughter is killed in a riding accident. This vulnerability under the external strength is very appealing. Naturally, he loves the wrong woman, but he has a great line when he tells Scarlett, "You need to be made love to. Often. By a man who knows how."
Rumor has it that one of his wives, Carole Lombard (the one who tragically died in a plane accident) described him as "not the most terrific lay".
Okay, GP and I are still going out because I can't figure out if he is a bad bad boy or a good bad boy so I am giving him the benefit of the doubt. Anyways, I am 90-something % certain that he is a loyal variety of "bad boy" which I will call the "soldier". He is extremely nice to me but he isn't a nice boy because he will "kill" things if he has to. Anyways, I never thought I'd say this about a man but he might actually be "too masculine" for me. It's like monkey-girl is skipping along the edge of the pool with her scissors and then she sees this huge black dog staring at her that actually kind of looks like a panther so she stops and puts her thumb in her mouth and says "Nice doggie?" and then she decides that he is a nice doggie who just wants to keep her from falling in the water and be patted and will even patiently enjoy/tolerate being teased up to a point but if she teases him too much he suddenly turns into a real panther and then monkey-girl is like desperately calling into zoo central and yelling "Monkey to Lioness. Monkey to Lioness. Please respond. Panther approaching. I repeat. Panther approaching. AAAAAAAH...."
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Hmmm...I offer as evidence "Teddy", a 52 year old Buddhist, elementary school teacher who had felt-making as one of his hobbies. I believe that he did not appreciate the fact that monkey-girl was more turned on by the fact that he was once a member of one of the West Side story gangs then by his more gentle pursuits. He was experienced enough to throw it out there but not empathetic enough to respect me when it worked.
Hmmm. Interesting. I used to do something similar back in the dating days. I had a collection of really elegant black dresses and a face that can look dramatic if you spend time with some makeup (a woman's beauty is mainly art and attitude). The finished product looked like something decidedly Not Me. I'd wear them for dates with potential, and if their attitude changed to getting all excited and treating me like a great little accessory I knew it was time to drop them. I feel a bit of a kinship with Teddy.
It was unfair in a way, and even a bit of a setup, because of course men respond to visual stimuli, but there was just something about how they'd treat me after they say the "doll" that angered me. I ended up marrying someone who doesn't care one whit about the doll, which surpisingly leaves me free to play her on occasion. I'm an odd'un.
Well, that's the romanticized image of the bad boy. Any woman would be attracted to that. In real life, the bad boy is simply that - bad, a jerk. He may be great in bed, but...a PITA in real life.
I don't think we're all talking about the same thing when we say bad boy.
SouthernGirl, I wasn't talking about Clark Gable. I was talking about Rhett Butler.
MJ, sounds to me like you are kind of afraid of him and I have to wonder then, do you like this or not? I would certainly hope you wouldn't put yourself in any sort of bad sitch w/ a man just b/c the S is good, but you're not sure about him as a MAN.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
MJ, sounds to me like you are kind of afraid of him and I have to wonder then, do you like this or not? I would certainly hope you wouldn't put yourself in any sort of bad sitch w/ a man just b/c the S is good, but you're not sure about him as a MAN.
Here's the thing. I don't think that I should be afraid of him. He can't help it if he's really big and scary looking and he was raised in a really tough cultural environment. In a weird way it makes him a good man for me to be in a relationship with because his toughness/masculinity is so omnipresent I'm not inclined to push him any further in that direction. He usually is in relationships with really tough women so he views me as rather "miss-ish" so he encourages me to do boy-style push-ups and act sharp at the craps table and f*ck back like I mean it etc. but he also treats me like a pet bunny a lot of the time which I'm okay with to some extent but not if he thinks I'm an idiot bunny who can be tricked into staying in her cage at home on a Saturday night watching boring Lifetime movies while he goes out and does whatever he wants just because he is the man even if it is the case that I highly think that it is unlikely that he would be doing something like having sex with another woman and was probably just gambling with his "team" or something like that.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
it is unlikely that he would be doing something like having sex with another woman
But you're not sure.
Is he sure you're not having sex with another man?
What I mean is, does he consider y'all exclusive? Or does he know that YOU consider each other exclusive at this time, but that your position does not bind him?
